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Question: Criticism!? opinion!? suggestions!?
this is my poem!. its called OUR BATTLE


has left scars upon your skin
while mine is simply neglected,
it begins to peel again!.

im becoming less and less
as i love you more and more!.
im lying to myself
and my eyesight's growing poor!.
i dont see anything you saw in me
then or even now!.
im disappearing slowly
yet no one bothers to see how!.

im screaming for attention,
and i havent said a word
im dying from diseases,
yet i still go on uncured

"God save me!" i cry out to the sky, the clouds, and hidden sun
im lost, confused, and my only fear is that the worst has just begun

all i need is an answer, something that may be worth dying for
all i need is some lifelong peace, something to save me from this war
all i really need is you, but im not so sure if you need me
im fighting our battle for you while you play in the debris!.Www@QuestionHome@Com


Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
OMG!. THAT IS SERIOUSLY ONE OF THE BEST PEOMS I HAVE EVER READ!. holy crap!.!.!.i totally get everything ur saying and its so honest and truthful and sweet yet sad and u have the element of light because of love, but irony because that love also causes the element of darkness!. girl!. thats like freakin awsome!. wow!. Www@QuestionHome@Com

certainly packs a punch !.!.
Battle is an apt title for this
you describe the scars
with imagery that is very vivid
well done
Keep it upWww@QuestionHome@Com

wow I know how you feel, girl! Keep ur chin up, don't give up! Www@QuestionHome@Com

its good I like it very powerful and painfulWww@QuestionHome@Com