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Question: What do you think of my simple poem!? - Advice and oppions welcomed!!?
Standing there

Without a sound

Gently swaying

Collapsed to the ground



Struggling to live

Can’t take a breath

Lying on the ground

Ending with death



Tears streamed

Grief was around

The words unspoken

Sadness was the sound



Hey everyone, i'm 15 and i wrote this!.!. yet again, it is fake!.!.!. uh!.!. It is meant to be about a mother loosing her baby, as it dies with little warning!.

hope you like it!.


yes comments are very welcome!.Www@QuestionHome@Com


Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
Another good write!.
I like the flow of your poetry,
most most I've read-have to do with loss and grief!.
I hope you keep up with the good writes!. :)Www@QuestionHome@Com

That's a terribly sad subject matter you've chosen to write about!. Well, it's not obvious what you are writing about!. If you want to write cohesive poetry you must learn to write with what I call meat to the bones!. This means let the people know what you are writing about!. I've been writing for 25 years and I've learned a few things!. I think this will make you a better writer!. I also think you should read other published poet's poetry to see how it's done!. For 15 you're young and learning!. I bid you good luck!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

It requires far more complexity and depth in order to do such a serious subject justice!. A little too trivial in its execution for the topic it attempts to address!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

it is a good poem n that to being a 15 u have written such a good poem
to be honest , i like itWww@QuestionHome@Com

It's alright!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

Good Poem at 15
Keep writing some thing that's Positive tooWww@QuestionHome@Com