Ok, ok, rewrite, now what?

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Question:

remember, don't read the !.!.!.!.!.'s just blank space!.

Slow Down

Michelle Leigh Martin

Run up the steps
in the rain
to the statue!.
Damp, fallen leaves
hinder progress!.
Slippery, slow
!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.down!.
Water trickles
as the drops drip
and the moon and stars hide
behind dark clouds!.
Cuffs of jeans get wet
and muddy!.
Splash through puddles
as she runs up the steps
in the storm
to the statue!.
Trees all around,
not a sound
but her labored
breathing!.
Girl, you need to slow
!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.down!.
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Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:

I agree with Genius!. I want to know what she is running from or to!. What is the significance is the statue!? Is this herself!? If you want to write poetry you need to at least know what you're writing!. I'm not being mean!. I'm trying to help you learn!. I have 25 years of writing behind me!. I've learned over the years!. You need to write so people can understand you and I still ask opinions of my own poetry!. So don't take it hard okay!. I do like the way you've done it!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

Its reallly not bad Id change hinder to hindering, I like the use of the !.!.!.!.!.!.!.down its quite effective also the short line break make the poem feel like its falling!.!.!.!.!.!.!.down lol good job!. But you need to ask yourself what are you really saying!? Whats the significance of the statue you mention it twice as 'the statue' what does it symbolize!? And what is she running from or for!? you dont have to come out and say it but use literary devices to tell it and have the reader read between the lines!. Understand!?Www@QuestionHome@Com

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slow down

lose all controllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll!.!.!.Www@QuestionHome@Com