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Question: New, really rough poem - what do you think!?
I just wrote it, like, 2 minutes ago, spur of the moment, insomnia type of situation here!. What do you think!? Do you get it!? (the places where i put !.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!., ignore the !.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!. that's just supposed to be empty space)

Slow Down

Michelle Leigh Martin

Run up the steps
in the rain,
to the statue!.
Wet leaves
hinder progress!.
Slippery, slow
!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.down!.
Water trickles
as the rain drops drip
and the moon and stars hide
behind dark clouds!.
Cuffs of jeans get wet
and muddy!.
Splash through puddles
as she runs up the steps
in the rain,
to the statue!.
Trees all around,
not a sound
but her labored
breathing!.
Girl, you need to slow
!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.down!.
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Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
It's fine, for what it is (a spur of a minute poem)!. Though i get the feeling it's excessively punctuated and that i've heard it before!. You also use a lot of words more than once without any particular effect!. Rain, wet, etc!.

And there's no cadence to it!.

Good try though~Www@QuestionHome@Com

There's quite a problem if you don't know what the basics of a poem is such as cadence, which is the natural rhythm of a poem!. Study more poems and write more!. It's a shame a lot of people post, oh I wrote this poem x minutes, I'm awesome, because it's very amateur!. You do have some sense of your own style, so I suppose write more and edit like there's no tomorrow!. If you feel fine with what you wrote and edited like hell, edit it some more!. Editing is vital to writing!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

cadence is just a fancy word for rhythm or beat, and listen (im commenting on the last post) she doesnt need to study more poetry, she just needs to write more!. And in her title its says rough poem, by posting it she is going through the editing process, she asking for advice!. You do need to work a little on the rhythm of the poem though but that can be fixed by writing more, hum it and see if you hear a constant beat!. I read poetry for inspiration not to copy another poets style!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

yeah i like it!. i dont really get it, but i'm guessing that the girl obvously needs to stop and slow down before she falls (and when i say falls i dont mean like literally)Www@QuestionHome@Com

I liked the imagery and the way you controlled the flow of the poem, but I wouldn't call it finished quite yet!. You know the story doesn't end there! It's a very good start though!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

That is a beautiful poem, i feal the intenceity comming from the girl!. Www@QuestionHome@Com

damn thats kinda hot,,,,kudos girl!.!.!.!.if u can do this exhausted, i imagine ur sober work is fantasticWww@QuestionHome@Com

im not into poetry
but this isnt bad Www@QuestionHome@Com