Question Home

Position:Home>Poetry> A Poem - Good or Bad, guys? Why?


Question: A Poem - Good or Bad, guys!? Why!?
Hey, I wrote this, and I was wondering what you all think!. Comments!? Please and thanks!. (PS, it's okay if you think it sucks, just let me know)

Could Have Been

Michelle Leigh Martin

Defeated on the inside,
the winner marches off the field,
feeling like a failure!.

Never good enough
for family, teammates, herself,
her pained heart throbs!.

And yet, she moves on,
acts as if nothing’s wrong!.
The scoreboard says it all, right!?

Confidence below zero,
she winces through life unchallenged,
undermined by the world!.

No one ever saw
the girl she could have been!.
Www@QuestionHome@Com


Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
i read the first part and its OK
but what makes me absolutly love this poem is the last 2 lines which makes the entire poem come together
the reason i didnt like the beginning is because it was just another depressing poem but it all comes together in the end
great jobWww@QuestionHome@Com

Well, if that's a metaphor, it might be good, but you'd have to add a lot to it!. It's it not a metaphor, I think you're being a little melodramatic!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

i think it's great, don't listen to others, poetry is all about how you feel, if people don't understand it, then screw them!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

It gets to your heart well done you could publish that and get good money actually publish it i would love to see it in a book its great make more!Www@QuestionHome@Com

It sounds a little 5th grade-ish!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

i think it's good!. i have to make 3 poems by monday and i hope there as good as your ;)Www@QuestionHome@Com

Wow!. It's sad and thought provoking!. Great job!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

WAY TO GO!.!.!.=)Www@QuestionHome@Com

Good Job I love it!!!Www@QuestionHome@Com

Heey,,

Thats is so good!
Can i steal it and put it on my wall!?
=]

X oWww@QuestionHome@Com

not bad, if you want real good criticism goto www!.booksie!.comWww@QuestionHome@Com

Good, but I think you could have made it more elaborate!. It sounds plain and simple!. Just zap it a little, give it a spark!. Well it sounds pretty personal so I don't think it's such a big deal if it's not elaborate!. It sounds good, though!. Here is one of my poems if you want to read it!.


Worldly Impression

What you’ve seen in the pond,
Is a disguise formulated
Through the windows, you see a person
Who resemble yourself
What we’ve seen in these reflections
Is a animosity slowly arousing the world
Voices, screaming, yelling
Telling, tales to times tormented
Daily speaking of spewing hatred
People of dignity and respect,
Linger in the past,
Is this worldly impression false!?
That no one will listen, even if forced
Self destruction of an enhanced world
I told you so is what they’ll say
Is the world ending!?
Or will a dried flower bloom!.

Something I thought up really fast!. Your poem just needs more passion that's all to give the reader a strong feeling!.Www@QuestionHome@Com