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Question: Soo umm opinions in these poems!?
DADDY
I love you!. A phrase we all know!. We say it all the time!. But what does it mean to that woman who is forced to say it to her once faithful husband!. The husband who she thought loved her!. Turns out hes in love with another girl!. She doesnt want to fight!. Shes got two kids and me who love daddy!. But Daddy hurt Mommy!. What is mommy to do!? I love you, she says!. But Daddy just nods!. But Im just a girl what do I know!? Two years later and Daddys done!. Hes working late, and puts the kids to bed early!. But Im awake to hear it!. Mommys struggle to love, and daddys struggle to stay!. Does Daddy love us still!? Why cant Daddy be true!?
IM DONE
Im done with this world!.
Take me some where new!.
Where stars glisten!.
And the ground is rich!.
Where trees are as far as the eye can see!.
Where there is no sounds other than the birds,
And the wind blowing through the trees and fallen leaves!.
Where there is no worries!.
No pain!.
Where no man has been!.
Let me be alone!.
Forever!.
Until the ground takes me for its last embrace!. Www@QuestionHome@Com
Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
They're good!.
I especially like how the first one is told from a child's point of view!. It helps prove that a child feels extreme pain too in life, even if its not physical they just don't know that big fancy words to express it!.
In the second one it did feel a little too repetitive!. That's good in some poems but it doesn't quite fit in this one!. Other than that I really liked it!. Especially in the end where it makes death something peaceful instead of dreadful!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
hmmm not to bad to tell the truthWww@QuestionHome@Com
honestly, at first i found them boring an unoriginal!.
But then i read them for a second time and they grew on me!.
um, i like the idea of the first one being told in a childish vocabulary!. It's told from a child's point of view!. Yet i don't think it would be best placed as a poem!. It is ore of a very short story than a poem!.
The second, well, it's OKAY!. Although, it would sound a lot nicer if you used a better vocabulary!. Some senteces in there have been overdone and sound repetative over the years!.
ex: "wind blowing through the trees" ; "Where there is no worrie"
the one thing i can say is that i very very very much enjoyed the last sentence: "Until the ground takes me for its last embrace!."Www@QuestionHome@Com