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Position:Home>Poetry> Is my poem good can you edit it plz 10 pts for anybody who does?Question: Is my poem good can you edit it plz 10 pts for anybody who does!? its a remembrance day poem the teacher said it has to be 14 lines max and its just for bonus marks but still correct it plz thx :
A Day to Remember: Remembrance Day, A day to remember All the ones that died , in the war A war which took many lives From young to old, and from good to bad The people might be dead, but the memories remain still Some being great fighters, which are still honored by wearing red poppies all day And that is how we remember them on Remembrance Day Www@QuestionHome@Com Best Answer - Chosen by Asker: Here you go! I have only made minor changes and retained the original essence of your poem!. Anyway, I have explained the changes in brackets for your understanding!. You can also undo the changes if you choose to exercise your poetic license!. Wish you all the best for this assignment and in all your endeavours!. Enjoy !.!.!.!.!. :) A Day to Remember: Remembrance Day!. A day to remember All those who died, (grammatical correction: who" rather than "which" because you are referring to people) in the war A war that took many lives (grammatical correction) From young and old, (changed "to" to and) and from good and bad (changed "to" to and) The people may be dead, ("may" is more appropriate in this context than "might" but the memories still remain (remain still would mean that they do not move) And some great fighters, (clearer style) who are still honored (grammatical correction: "who" rather than "which") by wearing red poppies all day And that is how we remember them on Remembrance Day (moved "on" to last line for better flow) also, let me add that you have an excellent sense of poetry and you communicate in a lovely flow!. Keep it up!Www@QuestionHome@Com The memories linger Red poppies I wear To feel the presence of the solace earned by those who died young and old some buried some not good and bad but I am sad A time to remember the fighters dear with poppies so clear on the remembrance day that comes every other dayWww@QuestionHome@Com Remembrance Day, A day to remember those who died in the war many lives taken young and old, good and bad the memories remain great warriors, honored, don red poppies thus remembered on Remembrance DayWww@QuestionHome@Com Make it more obnoxious (eg!. rhyme death with death)!.Www@QuestionHome@Com |