Question Home

Position:Home>Poetry> How I can improve this poem?


Question: How I can improve this poem!?
Thoughts currently are in limbo
heart shattered like a broken window
call a janitor to sweep up
the pieces so tired of watchin
my fingertips bleed
makes notebook pages hard to read
born with asthma
so without you its already hard to breathe

Don't understand the purpose of
wearing this organ on my sleeve
equipped with booma-rang
technology
returns when it leaves
me and love be mortal enemies
Cupid ain't no friend to me
his arrows more uneffective
than cops tryna get drugs off the street

My heart's rhythm currently is an
instrumental that doesn't skip
a beat
Knows too well what its like
beneath someone's feet
Www@QuestionHome@Com


Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
wow!. i loved that!. i can absoultly relate!. don't change a thingWww@QuestionHome@Com

Beautiful poem :)

puncuation and some structure to it!.

less spelling errors, but beautiful!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

Some punctuation wouldn't hurt!.Www@QuestionHome@Com