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Question: This is my first attempt at a poem!?
On the bathroom floor
Blood slowly runs down
It doesn’t feel
No interest in anything
Things aren’t the same
They won’t ever be
They think that they know
But they have no idea
It’s the same reason every time
Nobody will know about it
She’s scared
It’s not a cry for help
But she needs one
There’s a knock on the door
Are you done yet!?
But there is no answer!.
i dont know!.!. im not really in a good mood and i needed something to do!.!. is this good at least!? or any suggestions on what to do with it!? thanksWww@QuestionHome@Com
Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
punctuation punctuation punctuation!.
and the capital letters at the start of every line get confusing!. i've only really seen that in old, confusing poetry that takes an hour to understand!.
Use punctuation to show where you want the reader to put a pause!. this poem seems spacey!. so maybe you could give it more space - break it up into different stanzas
EXAMPLE:
"On the bathroom floor
blood slowly runs down!.
It doesn't feel!.
No interest in anything!.
Things aren't the same,
and they won't ever be!.
They think!.!.!."
just mess with it, you know!? have fun with it!. Writing is a great release for your emotions!. It helped me through some tough times when I was in those preteen-teenage years!.
keep writing, this is decent for a first attempt =]Www@QuestionHome@Com
Its not funny!.
On the bathroom floor
Blood slowly runs down
Or is it blood,
Not red it's brown!.
It is not blood that I see here
More like a case of diarrhea!.
Multicoloured Psychedelic waste
Bought from the Indian Takeaway
I thought perhaps you'd slit your wrist
But no you'd simply come home pissed
The Vindaloo had done its worst
And you bowells seemed to burst!.
I hear you skulking in your room!.
Time to get up its nearly noon!.
Time to get up and clean the bog
But no you're sleeping like a log!.
A feeble cry, more like a yelp!.
Perhaps it is a cry for help
But help is something you eschew,
As you spew up more Vindaloo!.
See make em laugh!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
i think it is excellent!. it doesn't matter what you talk about in the poem!. it's supposed to be about what your feeling!. great job!. i love it =]Www@QuestionHome@Com
i think that poems are written the way the poet wants to interpret
them and shouldnt change Www@QuestionHome@Com
its good
on the outside
but theres no depth to it!.
we can see straight through youWww@QuestionHome@Com
i think its good!. is it for homework or something!? Or are you into poetry!?Www@QuestionHome@Com
It's just fine, Grace!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
omg this is just your first time at a poem !!!!! let it be your last!.Www@QuestionHome@Com