Position:Home>Poetry> Is This Poem Good? Any Add-ins you can add to it :D please xxxxxxxxx?
Question: Is This Poem Good!? Any Add-ins you can add to it :D please xxxxxxxxx!?
hiya just wondering if this poem is ok!? well basically i wrote it about a friend who now hates me, we had sex when we were best friends and i basically fell for him, and things just didnt work out, and the friendship is done :( god it kills me!.
If you think it will sound better, please add bits n bobs of what you think will sound good :)
I'm hoping he will read it one day :D
lemme no if some bits are rubbish, and if you have a good therse i will sure add it in! thanks :D
You used to put a smile on my face
and make me laugh when i was down
You used to give your hand,
when i fell to the ground
you used to make me laugh
at just being you
you used to speak so much truth
everything you said was true
you used to touch my heart
But i was scared to let you in
I wish you could see how much you mean
But now you'll never see
But then things turned bad
and this time nothing was going to mend
the day i lost you
it broke my heart my friend
Another tear would flow
and you would make it clear
you didnt care
and now all i can do is regret it
cos now you'll never be there
The very strong bond we shared
got shattered in the night
you hurt me so much
You will never see,
not with human sight
I tried so hard to fix it
but nothing will ever repair
because the bond we had
it just isnt there!.!.
I cry now as i type this
because your always in my heart
I no im non-existant in yours
and that rips me up - part by part!.
A warning to everyone else
NEVER mix friendship with pleasure
cos it will rip your friendship up
and it will be nothing but buried treasure
The patch of your heart i once filled
I no, is open for a new mate
But just so you no,
if you ever get to read this
I'm sad it wasnt fate!.
***I Miss You***Www@QuestionHome@Com
Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
you used to put a smile on my face
and make me smile instead of frown
i could always count on you my friend
to pick me up when i was down
you used to make me laugh
for you just being You
you always spoke the truth
for that i trusted you
you used to touch my heart
but i was afraid to let you near
not to lose a boyfriend
but to lose a friend so dear
but then things turned bad
and i knew that time would not mend
for the day i lost you(it broke me is the day)
i lost my best friend
another tear would flow
and you have made it clear
your not the friend i held so close
the friend i loved so dear
the very strong bond we shared
was stolen in one night
you hurt me so deeply its cruel
you made me feel like i was a fool
i have tried so hard to fix this
but nothing will ever repair
the bond we had between us
that i know now is just not there
i cry as i write this
because your always on my mind
i wish you were one of those memorys
i can always leave behind!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
It was good!.!.!.and saddd!.
How old are you!? But one thing about it, in the first and second paragraph things, you wrote in each one, you used to make me laugh!. But it was good!. [:Www@QuestionHome@Com
this is really good, it's really deep and sad!. i really liked it though, those probably a few parts here and there you could make a lil better!. but over all good jobWww@QuestionHome@Com
this is really good!I think it's even good enough that you can turn into lyrics for a song!.AWESOME JOB!!!Www@QuestionHome@Com
It's Great! I love it but the last line in the second paragraph needs a different word than true!. Every Thing you said was______!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
a little bit repetitive but otherwise it is goodWww@QuestionHome@Com
VERY GOOD!Www@QuestionHome@Com
Not bad but it sounds familiar sort of like other poems I've read!.Try to make it more unique and different!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
i think its very good, and if you like writing you should at least try to get it published!. good job!. Www@QuestionHome@Com
I think it sounds just fine the way it is, It is words from the heart!
Hope he reads it too!Www@QuestionHome@Com
great poem mate!.
good work and very intelligrnt use of languageWww@QuestionHome@Com
nice poem :) i can imagine you crying sayin tha lolWww@QuestionHome@Com
Never beg!. You made a mistake and it didn't work!. Don't send the poem because it makes you look pathetic!. Pick yourself up and take it a s a learning experience!. When you meet him down the line, he will respect you more for acting as an in dependant woman!. Good luck!. There are lots of great guys out there!. You will find one!.!!!!!Www@QuestionHome@Com
i like it but i would try keeping it consistent throughout!. you start off with four lines in each and then 5!. i would keep it one way or the other!. and just to make it sound even better i would keep the number of syllables in each line consistent!. it just reads easier that wayWww@QuestionHome@Com
Awwww!.!.!.!.That is so cute!! Seems like you really cared about him!! I really like this part:
A warning to everyone else
NEVER mix friendship with pleasure
cos it will rip up your friendship up
and it will be nothing but buried treasure
I like that part a lot!!!Www@QuestionHome@Com
That is great!. Really good!. Here was one i wrote years ago in a similar situation!.
I saw him drive past today
with tears in my eyes
I looked the other way
there he drove into the distance
not caring about my existance!.
How will I ever stop this pain
of not bieng able to talk again
How can I see him face to face
when he's left no trace
It's blind love thats all I can say
I hope we meet again
to the dear lord i pray
I've caught the wrong train to this world
or maybe its because i didnt pay the fare
the world im in now
is full of hurt , sadness and lonliness
help me , help me pay the fare
so i can get out of this nightmare
Www@QuestionHome@Com
yeah its good for like!.!. someone who is in high school!. not that its bad because i couldnt do better but its not like!.!. anything thats ever going to get published or anything!. might get you a good grade in HS though!. Www@QuestionHome@Com
One part i owuld try to fix up is the last line of this stanza:
you used to touch my heart
But i was scared to let you in
I wish you could see how much you mean
--->But now you'll never see<----
for some reason it just doesn't seem to flow wiht the rest of the stanza!.
Great poem though, a lot of feeling an dpassion there!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
I love this poem!!! It is so sad, but it is so truthful and I am so amazed that you can just put your heart in front of everyones eyes like that[I could never do that]
(\_/)
(='!.'=)
(")_(")Www@QuestionHome@Com
i like it!. it reminds me of all my old friends that i left
just a lil suggestion you dont have to take
how about
You used to put a smile on my face
you made me laugh when i was down
You used to give your hand,
when i fell to the groundWww@QuestionHome@Com
But when things turned bad
this time nothing was going to mend
the giant hole in your jeans
from kicking your rear end
you said you didnt care
and I want to make it clear
when you're alone at night spakning your monkey
I will be out with hunks getting funky
cos now you' might as well be queer
oh now go, walk out the door
werent you the one now
that tried to hurt me with your lies,
you'd think I'd crumble!.!.!.
you'd think I'd lay down and die,
oh noo not I
I will survive
as long as I know how to love I know I'll stay alive
I've got all my love to give
I've got all my life to live
and I'll survive
I will surviveWww@QuestionHome@Com
You used to put a smile on my face
make me laugh when I was down
You used to give me your hand,
when I had fallen to the ground!.
You used to make me laugh
at just being you!.
You would speak so much truth
I believed everything to be true
You used to touch my heart
even when I was scared to let you in
Wishing now you could have just what I felt
I miss the reasons we were friends
I realize now as I did then that
we are not the same
I am not sure how to mend
a day I lost you, it broke my heart
my companion my partner and friend
The tears that flow
you made it sincere
For some reason you do not care
and now all I can do is regret that day
with each day the loss more clear
A very strong bond we once shared
was shattered one intimate night
the result a heartache, you will never see,
at least, not with human sight!.
I tried so hard to find an answer
for how this bond to repair
my friend I miss you so much now
some communication would be fair!.
I cry now as I write my dear, that
I speak to nevermore
because you’re always in my heart
have you thought of me in yours!?
**sorry I have a thing for getting the right beat and words down- read my thoughts !.!.!.
sorry to hear of your loss!.Www@QuestionHome@Com