Position:Home>Poetry> My latest effort? What do you think?
Question: My latest effort!? What do you think!?
I was just a child then,
Going to catch a fish when,
I was stolen from Africa!.
I had never seen a White man before,
And this would not be a soothing experience!.
I did not understand his tongue,
He dismissed mine,
With blows from a whip!.
I was chained to many boys my age,
And placed on a big boat!.
For weeks I wallowed in filth!.
Chained to the dead and dying!.
Not knowing where I was being taken!.
I thought of my father and mother,
My village,
My home,
I wept, for I knew that I'd never lay eyes on them again!.
I was a ghost,
A shadow of what was once a child in Africa!.
I watched as the women were taken,
Violated and thrown overboard!.
I watched as the dying were fed to the sea!.
I thought God was wroth with me!.
Yet I knew inside my deepest self,
This would pass, there'd be a greater day!.
One of my sons would have a dream,
One of my sons would say yes we can,
And all of the souls of Africa's lost,
Would say Amen!Www@QuestionHome@Com
Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
Splendid!!! I don't know if you've studied anything on the ancestry or the deplored conditions slaves endured coming to America but you captured them in Kodak Colors so vivid that while I read it I felt as if I was on the journey with the young man!.
This is one of your best!. It is descriptive and real!. It is soul retching and deep!. It speaks the truth but in the end brings us hope and perhaps a bit of hope!.
You are stellar!. I applaud you!.
Peace & Love :)Www@QuestionHome@Com
This poem is complex in rich imagery, but simple in a profound faith that shines through in all of your wonderful poems!. These words relate a horrifying experience but take the reader above the pain to a place of hope and accomplishment!. As always, your heart and faith are in your poetry!. That, and the beauty of the words themselves, make your poems great!. Thank you!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
My son came to me in grade 4 or 5
He had to write of his journey as a slave boy from his home!.
It was truly unbelievably evil the things he was studying and learning
that I was never taught going to school in the deep south!.
I cried then for the pain I felt and now I cry again for the cruel ambitions and the atrocities that have gone on throughout the ages!.!. And I am thankful that rather than weakening a bond it has strengthened the unity of the races!.!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
I'm at a loss for words!. I have never read a poem on slavery so this was an entirely different thing for me!. I am blown away by the images and the senses you created!. I could smell the boat, the people, the death , the fear and the gracious walk into the light!. AMAZING!. Thankyou!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
Fairly good!.!.!.concerning subject matter!. Now, write one about some of my distant relatives, the Irish!. Then, one about the Jews!. Heck, include all nations, because I'm sure somewhere down the line all were harassed by satan!.
Please don't leave out the Native Americans!.!.!.!.
Peace and love!.!.!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
A simple happy fishing trip turned to a life of horror & pain!.
I can not even, in my wildest nightmares, imagine the total feelings
of horror he must have had!.
You bring it close, my friend, but through it all, hope was not lost!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
I like it!. I haven't seen or read poems regarding slavery in a while!. I think it is still relevant and you did a good job here!. Good Luck!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
The first three lines are excellent!. The rest is just cliche and useless!. It doesn't read like a poem at all, rather prose!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
Many of your poems leave me speechless and feeling!.!.!."haunted" for lack of a better word at the moment!. This is one of them!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
Roots!
Well said!Www@QuestionHome@Com
Great!Www@QuestionHome@Com
very good readWww@QuestionHome@Com
It's great, Semper, thank you for sharing it!! :)Www@QuestionHome@Com
"The freedom sickness," said the old woman, and her little eyes glittered like sparks!. "Some they break and some they tame down," she said, "and some is neither to be tamed or broken!."
"Freedom's a Hard-Bought Thing" by Stephen Vincent Benet
(I just read that about two weeks ago and it was the first thing your poem popped into my head!.)
On the poem it self: Good one, just needs a title!. I'd like to see what you come up with!. Like just a name for the speaker, or something!. I mean, like a painting were the title says it all!. And by "all" I mean deeper inside of the artist--that snapshot of the moment of its birth!.Www@QuestionHome@Com