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Position:Home>Poetry> I would like an unbiased opinion on this poem i wrote (please no bashing religio


Question: I would like an unbiased opinion on this poem i wrote (please no bashing religions!.!.!.thank you =D)!?
the name of my poem is "Drunken Scene"

Twas a dark and stormy night
That fateful eve
Her head filled with thoughts of fright
You never would believe

Opting out on whiskey, taking water instead
“I’m not sure you should drive when you’re all messed up,” she said

Not wanting her friend to go off driving alone
She said a quick prayer and the streets they began to roam
Unaware that the drivers vision was now blurred
Trying to avoid a head on collision, the car swerved

Images flashed quickly through her mind
Knowing she had very little time
Her world suddenly went black
Bones broken, rib cage cracked, but her spirit still intact

She got to those pearly gates and she saw a sign

It was a map with a dot, and it read “ You are here”
“Right on time my child” came a voice from very near

He pulled out a book in search of her name
Saw her name inscribed and saw her faith never waned
She stepped in the gates and her friend she forgot
Life was perfect in heaven, she never gave it a thought

Meanwhile back on earth life wasn’t so great
Rushed to the ICU (two weeks in that state!)

The driver finally woke up and instantly regretted it

Surrounded by faces etched in pain
She cursed the heavens and she cursed the rain
Not knowing that she brought a life to an end
She asked repeatedly “Where is my friend!?”

Hesitantly they replied
“Your friend has died”

Guiltily she wailed, “It should have been me!”

Drowning in sorrows, drowning in fear
Heart aching for the one she held so near
Not knowing that her friend was in a better place
With a steely resolve and an odd look on her face

She vowed never to drink ever again
Chastising herself daily, repenting her sins
She sought out God she asked him why
He said quite simply “It wasn’t your time to die”

“You must learn to treasure today, to love for today
Because tomorrow is not promised” she heard him say
“You treasure your materials, not life itself
Learn to live with the hand you were dealt

There are no pockets in paradise you ought to know that
So choose your possessions or heaven, show me where your faith is at

When the world is gone and your possessions cannot be found
They hold no value (this truth is sound)
You cannot turn to money to buy safety, support, or love
But you can turn to God, the Almighty above

So child you asked why, why didn’t I take you!?

You weren’t prepared for this eternal life offered on my Son’s behalf
But feel no guilt, just live, love, laugh”Www@QuestionHome@Com


Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
Thank you, thank you, thank you!!!!!!! What a great piece of poetry admittedly there are a few parts that need some work as far as poetry goes but hey the message and the truth in the piece are loud and clear - well done! You know the piece even made me evaluate the condition of my own heart - and yes i choose life!.!.!.!.Keep writing as you have a definite talent!. Take Care and God Bless xxxxxxWww@QuestionHome@Com

I love it, even with a little religion=im religious!. Hope this didnt happen to you- lots of loveWww@QuestionHome@Com