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Question: Can you tell me if this is any good!?
the words i want to say are trapped
behind the way
i feel!.
the tears i swallow not to cry
are lost--
will no one ask me why!?
the thoughts i think are mine
alone,
revealed in turn, yet still
unknown!.
the will to change what
i can't fix
is as a friend to me:
frustrated by what i can't say,
and who i cannot
be!.Www@QuestionHome@Com


Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
You might want to look at a change in your first lines!.
"the words i want to say are trapped
behind the way
i feel!."

You could start with;
The words I wish to say
trapped within what I feel!."

I made some slight changes regarding your use of the language!.
Hope this helps!.

"The words I want to say are trapped
behind the way
I feel!.
The tears I swallow not to cry
are lost--
will no one ask me why!?
The thoughts I think are mine
alone,
revealed in turn, yet still
unknown!.
The will to change what
I cannot fix
is as a friend to me:
frustrated by what I cannot say,
and who I cannot
be!."


All in all it is an emotional piece!.
A lot of conjunction use can remove a powerful voice of a piece!. You may want to study on it!.

I heard the message - despite!. Others may not!.
Keep writing!.

Sam
Writer/Poet
Www@QuestionHome@Com

I do not like to change an others poem for the sake of rhythm, flow or rhyme!. I think that a broken rhyme can say even more about the difficulty the poet is expressing in using mere words to release overwhelming feelings!. And this poem is about that very thing!. Sort of swallowing or even choking back the words that cannot come close to explaining the emotion behind which the words are trapped!. If this poem succeeded in releasing that pent-up emotion, I say that it is a fine work!. However an excellent piece of literature it is not!. But there are many poems that are world renowned that I think are crap!. Many modern poets seem to think that if something rambles on forever saying nothing it is a great work of art!. I say the most important thing is to use the words to convey the emotions behind the words, even if you have to swallow them back!. Peace&Love be with you!.!.!.~M~
PS If you wish to see more of my writing just Google:
Margaret Barton-WahlWww@QuestionHome@Com

its really good but use more puntuation marks too give effective feeling!. For eg!." the words i want to say are trapped behind the way i fear!. the tears i swallow, not to cry are lost!. hope i helpedWww@QuestionHome@Com

the thoughts i think are mine
alone,
revealed in turn, yet still
unknown!.



I love that!.
And I loved this poem!.Www@QuestionHome@Com