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Question: Thoughts on this writing!?
He carries a vagueness through all of his words
As he leads me into his field
And I look through his eyes
To the root of his lies
In this room where beauty was born

So the natives all gasped when I took one more clasp
At the thoughts that I sent to the moon
While he just laid back
On the hot burning wax
That he melted to cool my perfume

And if god is a savior then where is the shore
that washed the fear from my eyes
Now my body is numb
From his long toting gun
Poking holes through the doors in my mind

He lights up a fire where he keeps his best squire
As he makes her dance to his tune
And from under his thumb
Comes a newly born nun
That he molded from his purest days

And I run to the door that’s been battered and fraught
By the hands of a badly drawn man
I still open the lock
But know he has the key
To a mind that’s been formed in a ruin

Now I look to the man who’s so suddenly bare
Of the moral that he held too tight
And I cover my bruises
In a sheet of old movies
That my thoughts still play to the night

Thanks!.
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Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
Ok!.!.!.you've got some promising things in this---but most editors would cite you for "cliche"!.!.!.

A poem is supposed to show, not tell!.!.!.so make us feel what you're writing about!.

Remember too, that there is public work, and personal poems!. The later are significant to you, and possibly one other person who might know the information the poem does not reveal!. They are not "bad" nor good!.!.!.but strong poetry speaks to a lot of people!.!.!.not just one or two!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

OMG! that is AMAZING!. I can't seem to find the right word!.
Magnificent!. Fantastic!. Awesome!. Too good!. Wicked!. Kewl!. Perfect!.
None of these words seem good enough!. That is a really good poem!Www@QuestionHome@Com

WOW! That piece of art is is amazing!! It's fantastic!. :DWww@QuestionHome@Com