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Position:Home>Poetry> What do you think of my poem (non-rhyming) - please comment ??Question: What do you think of my poem (non-rhyming) - please comment ?!? Hey everyone!. I usually write rhyming poems, but i decided to try one without rhyming!.!.!.
What do you think of it!? Fingers tapping on the keys In beat with the song Singing to the music Listening for the meaning The lyrics tell a story One of love and loss Wanting time to be alone Discovering a new life Turning over a new leaf Starting fresh looking for love!. Www@QuestionHome@Com Best Answer - Chosen by Asker: Edit: My fingers tap aimlessly on my computer keys I hear them keeping beat with the music that plays just as aimlessly My lips move wet words damp with bitter love My eyes drown with the tears!. To distract my heart I listen for sane meaning to what we are The lyrics tell the story of love being lost Did I heaar glass shards tearing inside of me!? Do I want time alone!? Is it possible I would discover new life!? I let hope embrace me The song says I might find it I sleep the sleep of escape I dream new love and leave us in the past!. ______________________________________!.!.!. I have been a poet for 50 years!.I've had several published over the years so I hope you will respect my opinion!. You are a good writer!. If I may critic' your work honestly, it seems you have several thoughts going in this poem and they just needed to tie in with each other!. (My way is just a sample of how you might do that) Slow down and clear your mind!. Rather than think words!.!.!.!.!.!.Feel your poem!. Feel what it is you are trying to let out or let the world know!. I hope you will keep writing Www@QuestionHome@Com I think that it's great that you wrote an un-rhymed poem! The narrative of the poem is clear but do you really want the poem to end where it does!? Something tells me that the speaker in the poem has more to say!. How does the song that the speaker is listening to effect the speaker!? Does she relate to the song!? Do her fingers loose the beat when the song talks about love, do they beat faster!? There seems to be a distance between the emotions of the speaker and the song!. Is the speaker hesitant to share what's really on her mind!? Why doesn't the speaker further engage with the song at the end!? Why not let the speaker take some more emotional risk!? Just some questions to think about!. The poet's talent is obvious!. The poet is able to create a clear narrative and convey images in a compressed and poetic way; people on Yahoo Answers often criticize good poetry ;-)!. Again bravo for trying something new!. For me personally, I will almost always sacrifice rhyme for meaning; because of this my poems rarely rhyme!. Www@QuestionHome@Com Aw! This is good! It's very descriptive!Www@QuestionHome@Com Truly great for someone with autism or downs!.Www@QuestionHome@Com I like it!. It says a lot without having so many words!. I think its atmosphere is beautiful!. Two thumbs up!. :)Www@QuestionHome@Com vague okWww@QuestionHome@Com Good job!!!Www@QuestionHome@Com WOW you SUCKWww@QuestionHome@Com i like it!. good job : )Www@QuestionHome@Com that is very good!. Even though it does not rhyme it is still wonderful!. I give you an A+++++ on it good job!!!!!!!!!!Www@QuestionHome@Com Better than a lot i have read on Q&A!.!.!.Www@QuestionHome@Com |