Position:Home>Poetry> Will you comment a poem of "Autumn Gold"?

paths of life are autum roads
life long friends are autumn gold
time spent is more precious manyfold
waving shadows of past-autumn future bright in holdWww@QuestionHome@Com

---

---

I am not sure what the problem is supposed to be with the rhythm or meter!. To me you have a well constructed accentual prosody with alternating four and three accents and it paints the "walking" theme quite nicely!. Your visual and tactile images are beautiful!. I do believe the last stanza weakens the poem!. What about bringing in a deeper metaphoric element, perhaps a "kicking the leaves" metaphor of of some impending tragedy or a reminiscence of an earlier heartache - something to bring in a little more substance!. Just a thought!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

---

---

firstly i love this poem its so cute and very descriptive and emotive, two little things, in the 3rd verse the first time i read it i kind of stumbled over the first line its almost as if a syllable needs to be moved into the second line of that verse, and in the last verse the only issue i had with it was "while walking autumn road" didn't really fit maybe something more like "whilst on my autumn road"!.

Hope this helps your poem is really really good! Www@QuestionHome@Com

---

---

Love, your meter is a bit off, but it is easily corrected!. Your poem has lovely sentiment as it stands -- a nature poem, pure and simple -- but a bit more attention to the rhythm could polish it further!. I hate to tinker with your words, for I know how carefully they have been chosen, but if this were my poem and I received this advice, I might say:

I trod upon an Autumn road
All russet-clad and gold
And there I passed a wishing well,
Its waters clear and cold!.

And later yet I found a creek
Without a bridge to cross
I tip-toed then on stepping stones
All cloaked in velvet moss!.

At last in this soul-making vale
I gazed upon a field
Of many-splendored ecstasies
Where all that's known is sealed!.

These sights and scents are simple gifts
Strewn on an Autumn road;
Their gold has brought a richer peace
Than I was ever owed!.

I hope you can forgive my impertinence at making these changes, but I so want you to find your joy in the flow of language!. Cheers!Www@QuestionHome@Com

---

---

Nice sentiment, but again, inconsistent meter prevents it from being as good as it could be!.

I walked upon an Autumn road
of deepest red and vibrant gold
and came upon a wishing well
with sparkling water clear and cold

And further on I saw a creek
though sadly lacking bridge to cross
I made my way on stepping stones
long green from spreading velvet moss

Then but a moment more in time
I came upon an em'rald field
with waist-high shafts that spoke of yet
still more Autumn gold to yield

Though simple were those things I found
upon that Autumn road so bold
They brought me deeper peace within
worth more than all that Autumn gold

Just a suggestion to get you started on your polishing and refining!.

Not sure what the problems are, DM!? That explains why some of your poems are not as good as they could be!. For example: Verses 1 & 3 are 8/6/7/6, while verse 2 is 7/6/8/6 and verse 4 is 8/6/8/6!. Pretty obvious, I would have thought, as far as inconsistency goes!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

---

---