Would anyone Comment my Poetry?

Question: Would anyone Comment my Poetry!?

please and thanks

Words cannot come
From my lips
When I see you
My whole world tips
I know nothing
Yet I know everything
Everything I want to
Why is it so hard
To speak to you
You’re like a crystal shard
Trapped in my heart
Making it bleed
I cannot be freed
From the terror within
Or is the truth being hidden!?
Do you have the same feeling!?
Or am I just kidding!?
Is this a lie!?
Or should we try!?
-Bry Pierce

please comment!.!.!.remember im only 13 and i've only recently started writing poetry!.!.!.me and my best friend stacie (most of u probably know her) love poetry now and it helps me clear my head!.!.!.just want some constructive criticism to see of it's any good!. please and thank youWww@QuestionHome@Com

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:

Definitely good I'd have to say!. Love poetry can always be interesting!. Just going to make a comment as to what this sounds like!. It sounds like in the first half or so it talks about your love for them, how you can't express it with words, and how seeing them is great!. Then it sounds like in the middle near to the end it almost sounds like you're thinking otherwise, almost like you've been betrayed, or your just stuck with him and can never be released!. Frozen in love!. And then at the end it sounds like you're thinking whether or not you're hearing the truth and should try or you're hearing lies and it's not even worth trying!.

Whether I got it right or not, you've got a talent for poetry!. Stick with it and I'm sure you can get somewhere in the future with it!. Even if it's just something on the side you do!. Sometimes it can be good to express your emotions at the moment, good for extra money, good for just writing for fun, several great things be creative!. So good job and good luck if you continue!. If you want to hear me comment again just message me or something!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

It is good stuff, deep and with a good flow,It touches at the heart strings and shows you have an understanding of the world and see it profoundly keep it up!.
My husband is a song writer and I help edit the lyrics,we both wrote poetry and enjoy the process of creative writing!.the best lyricist I can think of is "Bruce Cockburn" Www@QuestionHome@Com

it has nice flow!. well done for your early attempts at poetry!.
how about changing: "I know everything" to: "I know all" !?!?
how about changing the first line to: words wont flow
How about: Do you feel the same, or am I being lame (!?)

love the ending!.

Keep writing, you've got talent!. stay open to feedback!. Are you in a band!? consider writing poetry more oftenWww@QuestionHome@Com

good!, good!, you should submit it , there is websites that actually publish poems, it is especially good for someone your age, and I dont think we'll know your friend stacie, but yeah that is a good poem so its cool

Www@QuestionHome@Com

Very moving!. Sounds sad however!. You need to go to therapy and show this to your counselor and discover the answers to your why

Good Luck!.

DFFWww@QuestionHome@Com

you your poetry is sick!. keep it up!. if it 's in your own word that it 's awesome!. i want to learn!. but any way good Job!.!. seriouslyWww@QuestionHome@Com

i Liked it :)!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.probably only because i can relate 2iT &&It reminded meeh of someone ! =/Www@QuestionHome@Com

Bry, this is truly amazing Www@QuestionHome@Com

is this freestyle!? if it is then it's nice (: but your rhyming scheme is not clear!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

that's really good, i wish i could right poems that were at least half as good as that, your poem is really amazingWww@QuestionHome@Com

absolutely amazingWww@QuestionHome@Com

nicenice :)Www@QuestionHome@Com

I'd say this is good for your age!.!.!. Ummm its best to write poetry when you r right in the moment of what you're feelingWww@QuestionHome@Com

I think it's great for 13 :)Www@QuestionHome@Com

this is REALLY good! i like how you didnt finish the sentences!. it bringds the poem to life!. Great job!Www@QuestionHome@Com

dam thas good girl!. i like it, very edgyWww@QuestionHome@Com

This is very good =]

I do like the idea of changing "I know everything" to "I know all", from whoever said that before!.!.!.!.!.

My only critique is that its hard for the poem to flow when it's hard to expect the rhyme scheme!. It's fine that it doesn't stay the same the whole way through, it's just hard to anticipate and kind of breaks up the general flow in reading the poem!.
I would suggest breaking up into stanzas, maybe!? I think that could help!.

Or, maybe you could make the rhyme scheme just a bit more consistant!. When i read it, i expect the "Yet i know everything" to rhyme with "why is it so hard", and when it doesn't it kind of throws me off!. I would change it to "I know nothing/Yet i know everything (or all if its easier to rhyme)/new line that ends in a rhyme with nothing/new line that ends in a rhyme with everything or all!. Then comes the "why is it so hard/to talk to you/you're like a crystal shard/trapped in my heart (i like heart, but since it doesnt rhyme with you i think you should change one of them!.!.!.!.)
Then would come the couplets at the end!. I think that would be really cool =]Www@QuestionHome@Com