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Question: So apparently my poems only get critiqued if I ask nicely!.!.!.!?
so please comment :p
although I know it isn't that good



They Watch-

"OH MY GOD IM DYING
I CANNOT FEEL MY HEART"
they watch this young girl crying,
watch her fall apart

"WITHOUT YOU I'LL GO INSANE,
I CAN'T BE ALL ALONE"
they watch her start to writhe in pain,
watch as she starts to moan

"PLEASE DON'T LEAVE ME HERE,
I BEG YOU, PLEASE DON'T GO"
they watch her face fill up with fear,
watch her, though they cannot know

"OH MY GOD I'M DYING,
I CANNOT FEEL MY HEART"
they watch this young girl prying,
watch her tear his scars apart

"MY BLOOD FLOWS LIKE A RIVER,
UNTIL THE PAIN BECOMES WHAT I LACK"
they watch her body shiver,
watch until her corpse turns black!.Www@QuestionHome@Com


Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
Wow!. That was!.!.!.indescribable!. the one thing I would change was the writing in all caps!. It kind of destroyed the mood of the poem!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

There are some heavy emotions
in here

Because they are one person
is going through the pain!.
She could be losing her friend

With emotional scars ones that will
never heal!.
I beg you please don't go
this is about
a breakup

Somehow I was thinking of
something else!.
like someone who is dying
and people are ignoring!.
With the title They Watch
This is what came to my mind!. Www@QuestionHome@Com


No, that's a fine work you have done!. Completely looking at the society from a diff rent angle!. The people who only watch the cruelty around but do nothing!. I like your poem, do write more!. I am not a poet but I like when others try!. Your attempt is a good start!. Www@QuestionHome@Com

My sister had lung disease and asked not to be rescuated ( spelling is off) and when her lungs stop breathing again she sat up in the bed and looked at us and then collapse !.!.!.it was awful she was only 24 but after 2 failed lung transplants this was her wishes she developed lung disease at 15 years old!.!.!.!.This poem reminds me of that dreadfully guilty feeling day!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

WOW,

Your poems are really deep and amazing, a little depressing and emo ish but still, cool!Www@QuestionHome@Com

I like it, I think it is repetitive a bit!.
You should change some of the passages!. There is potentialWww@QuestionHome@Com

Wow!. It sounds like you just broke up with your bf!. It's a deep poem, that's for sure!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

very depressingWww@QuestionHome@Com