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Question: Please tell me about your opinions on the following poem!?
Forever gone but forever yours
Haunted by demons which I can no longer stand
If the Lord is merciful and grants me peace
I will be in a better place then here on this land
Death is not perceived as a happy thing
But now that I am gone you can go on living
I am punishing myself for all my mortal sins
I only hope that the Lord will let me be forgiven
When you look back now
Even though it will be hard
Any negative thoughts of me I hope you will disregard
I feel inadequate, my life here on earth
Unable to fit in
Constant feelings of pain and hurt
I will bring with me the lessons I have learned
Hoping in hell I will not burn
I must go now as my tears uncontrollably pour
Forever gone but forever yours
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Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
Though the sentiment is not unique, I can tell that it is sincere!. You have lines that defy any meter, and with the attempted rhyme-scheme!.!.!.you will need meter!.
This may sound and feel better as a free verse poem!. Don't forget to use other poetic tools like alliteration, internal rhyme, metaphors, and the like!. It will breath new life into your poem about death!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
I don't think the "forever gone but forever yours" line fits the poem
What makes you "forever yours"!?Www@QuestionHome@Com
Get rid of "Death is not perceived as a happy thing"!. It's just an awkward line!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
It sounds better if you said "Always lost and always yours"!. Www@QuestionHome@Com
Sound's like you need a hug!?Www@QuestionHome@Com