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Question: My poem, please comment!?
there's probably a ton of mistakes
just let me know!. =) thanks in advance for reading!.
This little girl with her big sad eyes
looked up at me like she was going to cry
And asked me why her prince had never come
and i fought for a smile but out came a sigh
Her tears broke free and i reached out to catch some
My entire body grew numb
And she wrapped her arms around me
and our hearts became drums
That we could hear but we couldn't see
I smiled finally, knowing it was key
And said he could be on his way
she said that couldn't be
What more could i say!?
that everything would be okay!?
with so much time left to wait,
she was so eager for tomorrow, losing today
If i could relate
to this little girl of eight
when would my own prince come!?
lost in fairytales that dreams create
I was sure that her own prince would come
to find the beauty this girl would become!.
it was silly to believe that we needed a prince to survive
even if for a while it left us numb
I lifted her face up to mine, her eyes bright and alive
"Your prince will come, you have to believe,
but you have to search for him too, he won't just come to you"
She stared at me in disbelief!.
I stood up, feelin as if i'd grew
i thought of all the things i knew
i touched the top of her head, the things i'd given few!.
and off i went, ready to continue
with lifeWww@QuestionHome@Com
Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
I corrected what I thought was wrong!.
However, When you write Always capitalize "I"!.
And Don't use "and" so much, Ex: She went to the store and got coffee and some ice cream!.
It's:
She went to the store, got some coffee and some ice cream!.
And make sure you put an end mark at the end of your sentences!.
Jenn-
This little girl with her big sad eyes
looked up at me like she was going to cry,
she asked me why her prince had never come
and I fought for a smile but out came a sigh!.
Her tears broke free, so I reached out to catch some!.
My entire body grew numb,
she wrapped her arms around me
and our hearts became drums!.
that we could hear, but we couldn't see!.
I smiled finally, knowing it was a key
And said he could be on his way!.
she said that couldn't be!.
What more could I say,
that everything would be okay!?
With so much time left to wait,
she was so eager for tomorrow losing today!.
If I could relate
to this little girl of eight,
when would my own prince come!?
Lost in fairy tales that dreams create,
I was sure that her own prince would come
to find the beauty this girl would become!.
It was silly to believe that we needed a prince to survive
even if for a while it left us numb!.
I lifted her face up to mine, her eyes bright and alive
"Your prince will come, you have to believe,
but you have to search for him too, he won't just come to you"!.
She stared at me in disbelief!.
I stood up, feeling as if I'd grew
I thought of all the things I knew
I touched the top of her head, the things I'd given few!.
and off I went, ready to continue
with life!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
I don't see anything wrong with the poem!. It seems well enough constructed!. It's not my cup of tea, but the world is not meant to be all suited for me!. Keep up the good work!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
Brilliant :) I write poetry but now I'm ashamed of my ****!. LOL
And seriously Wolfie, with the OMLV, thats MY line fool! :DWww@QuestionHome@Com
OMLV, OME, OMG!
You are freaking awesome!. I wish i could bloody write like you!. That would my life a whole lot easier!.
But really it was amazingWww@QuestionHome@Com
wow ur a really talented poet that poem was brilliantWww@QuestionHome@Com
oh my, i really love it!.
its amazing, goood job!.
make more !Www@QuestionHome@Com