Question Home

Position:Home>Poetry> I'm 19 and I just wrote this poem. What do you think? Please be honest!?


Question: I'm 19 and I just wrote this poem!. What do you think!? Please be honest!!?
So yeah, like I said, I'm 19, and I wrote this for my brother who died 3 years ago!.!.!.

"Everything's just not the same,
Without you here with me!.
I'm lost, alone, and missing you;
If only God could see!.
How much I need to be with you,
Just one more chance to say,
How sorry I am that I never said
"I love you" every day!.
I took each day for granted,
I thought that you'd be there
When I woke up each morning,
So I never showed I cared!.
Now everyday it hurts so much,
To know that I can't say
That I miss you more and more each day
In each and every way!.
Life's not the same, without you here,
If God could only see,
That Heaven could spare just one angel,
And bring you back to me!.!.!.!. "Www@QuestionHome@Com


Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
What a wonderful tribute to your brother!. I see - that you have posted this before
http://forums!.teenhelp!.org/showthread!.ph!.!.!.

Suggestion: how 'bout taking out "just" in first line - the meter will flow better -

Everything's not the same,
Without you here with me!.

EDIT: found it by doing a word search on Google!.

?Www@QuestionHome@Com

!.!.!.!.!.!.!.wow!.!.!.!.!.that is really deep i really like it!. you should go to http://knowyourpoetry!.blogspot!.com/ and try and get it published on the internet i know it will be if you send it in!. again that was just so deep i absolutely love it!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

i HONESTLY think it's amazing!.

i'm sorry about your loss!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

I really like the endingWww@QuestionHome@Com

That almost made me cry!. I'm sorry you lost your brother!.That is an amazing poem!!!Www@QuestionHome@Com

i think your brother would have liked it!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

aww,I crying right now!!

that's so sad,but you made a beautiful poemWww@QuestionHome@Com

That's beautiful!. It really came from your heart and those make the best poems!.

I'm sorry for your loss!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

that is really pretty, I'm so sorry about your loss!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

First of all, I am truly sorry about the death of your brother!. I know from experience that it is difficult to lose loved ones!. As for the poem, you need to put it away for a while and come back to it when the emotion is not quite so prevalent in your mind!. The biggest problem is the meter and rhythm!. You have done a good job keeping to the scheme (alternating lines of iambic tetrameter and trimeter) but that scheme itself suggests something frilly and insignificant (most greeting cards are written this way)!. Your subject is way too serious for that!. also, be careful of the trite-rhymes (over used rhymes such as me - see or say - day)!. Other than these minor points, you have a good start here!. Keep it up!.Www@QuestionHome@Com