Question Home

Position:Home>Poetry> First attempt at a serious poem. Pretty Long?


Question: First attempt at a serious poem!. Pretty Long!?
Please, Please!
I want this so bad
"It's not fair"
"I want to be with him,
he's my dad!."
Those were my reasons
Prayers & wishes
& dreams of how it could be
I knew it would happen

Thank you, Thank you!
I have what I wanted
Sunny days, & gelato late at night
Watching movies at 1 in the morning
on a week day
Laughs & smiles & jokes
& love
LOVE
hugs & playful tackles
little girls singing & dancing
Happiness follows me,
& love

God no, God no!
What I wanted is about to disinegrate!
"Why!?" "How come!?" "What happened!?"
Those were my questions
Choking up ever time we talked
& tears streaming down my face in the dark
when no one was looking
Confusion & stress
& anxiety
no more movies, no more laughs
no more jokes
silence ISN'T golden
Where is all the love now!?
no more hugs either
just empty stares
& deadly silence

I want to hate you
I want to blame you
for ruining it
for messing it all up
for taking our happiness away
my happiness!.!.!.
Answer my questions!
Tell me what happened!
help me understand,
why our life isnt sweet,
like it was before!.

Wait, Wait!
I should go back
"I want a stable life!."
"I don't want to move again!."
That was the BS!.
hurt feelings, and even more confusion now
Then that day comes,
When it's all over
I hold back the tears
I can't show I'm hurting inside
more BS!.
And then comes the last hug
the last embrace
I hold on for my life
I can't breath, I'm crying
I'm dying
And then let go, now I'm dead
It's all over
It's truely the end

I'm sorry, I'm sorry!
It was a mistake!
"Im so stupid!"
"Why did I do this!?"
more hurtful question that I cant ask
it's been too long,
it's gone too far
I'm in too deep now here
I can't leave now,
there's no turning back
& now I don't care anymore
& now I don't laugh as much
& I miss the way it was before

Why God, Why God!?!
Why did this happen to me!?
So long, I searched for this dream
And I got it,
but then I lost it
Where do i go from here!?
there is no place for me now
I'll never be that happy again
& years will inevitably pass
& people will inevitably change
even when I dont want them to!.
& all I can do is hope
that I will be that happy again,
someday!.Www@QuestionHome@Com


Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
are you serious!?!?
ur first!?!?!?
if anyone has read this , den u must say that tho da rhyme wasnt up to the mark,rhythm was perfect!! u could make sum minor adjustments to the second para and try to shorten the whole ting without destroying the basic idea !!!!! thumbs up!! dis is pretty gud!!! (btw are u taking inspiration from keats!?!? or tennyson!?!?!?!?!?!?)Www@QuestionHome@Com

The emotion was tangible throughout the whole rhyme!. If that’s your first, I hope you did give your all and never write one this good again!. Poems are easy, good poems are rare!. At first you have plenty to write about, but soon poems become repetitive and boring!. That one had the acidic tinge of reality, !?Www@QuestionHome@Com

Delightful, you've out-ampersanded Rimbaud himself!.

Sadly, his sexually depraved and interesting poetry trumps this 'seriouth athempt at poethy' by far!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

And You Will be Poppet!.
Happiness!. is always there for those that look,
close to Home!.

Lovely writings,Heartfelt and sad!.
Don't Ever Stop Loving,
Your One, Dear Dad!Www@QuestionHome@Com