She found herself sitting on her bed at 2 am!. This was not all that unusual…at least not to her!. She had been sitting there for over 30 mins and somehow only now became aware of it!. She looked around her…as if to check to make sure there was no danger around!. Nothing seemed to be out of the ordinary, just a darker verson of her room!. So why did she feel this way!? She felt so lonely that the moonlight shining through her window and spilling onto the floor was her only companion!. Then she looked at her hand and an overwhelming sense of fear, resentment and desperation relentlessly proceeded to invade her to the point where her heart psychically ached!. She dropped the blade from her hand in horror!. She was ashamed of her self…she had done so well she can’t ruin it all now!. Only a few seconds had to pass before her hand became aware of its sudden vacancy!. She was drawn to the blade that now lay on her carpet!. She violently shook her head; internally refusing to give in to that toxic cure she knew all too well!. Instead she turned on the light and picked up her teddy bear holding him as tight as she could, praying that he could hug her back!. The bear’s shoulder became moist as her tears soaked into his fur!. She trembled with fear as she thought how tears don’t soak into people they roll down there skin and then eventually drip away, taking her aguish with them!. A bear cannot provide the same connection and relief!. She held on tighter, and then after a few minutes put him down and sat him so his face was towards the wall…he was not allowed to see what was going to happen next…!.she didn’t even want to see!. She took a deep breath and picked up the blade from the floor!. She held it for a second with vast hesitation, then studied the top of her forearm; looking for a place that was not already scarred!. Then she closed her eyes and glided the blade across her arm…she sighed with the relief that she had deprived herself of for so long, while allowing herself to concentrate on the sharp stinging feeling the blade provided and then the warmth of her blood flow down her arm and drip onto the bed!. When she finally opened her eyes a few seconds later she saw the wide open wound on her arm!. A sense of self worth and reassurance came over her!. She still had it in her; she can still cut deep!. In fact, her entire self worth depended on how deep of a wound she could create!. She bandaged up her arm and went to bed, but as she was trying to fall asleep that familiar sense of shame gripped her!. She worked so hard to only give into the blade again!.Www@QuestionHome@Com