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Question: Poem about my friend's suicide!. criticism!?
His pen!.
the pen clenched
in his shaking hand,
anxiously scribbling "it's never worth it"
the pen feet away
watching
as he ended his life!.
an accomplice to my friend's suicide,
I hate this pen!.

His gun!.
the gun held in his trembling hands,
complying with a demand!.
a demand that would be his last!.
fire!.
an accomplice to my friend's suicide,
I hate this gun!.

My friend!.
the friend whose last minutes of life
were spent in sadness!.
the gun & pen- so blinding,
he couldn't realize how missed he'd be!.
the irreparable decision,
an impulsive mistake!.
all contributing to my friend's suicide,
I miss this friend!.
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Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
it's a really creative and strong poem!. it shows a really unique perspective to communicate!. you described the emotion really well with out having to use such obvious word choices!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

I wish you would have ended this poem, saying " I hate this friend"

it would have been consistent and we would have understood you even more better!.

We would have know that you dont really hate him, but you hate him for doing it!.

But thats how i roll so whatever you like , but i just didnt like how you were inconsistent at the end!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

Wow, really effective pauses which make it sad, and an original style!. You've made a really great poem out of your emotions!. Sorry about your friend!.
=DWww@QuestionHome@Com

Brilliant!.!.!. I agree that the pauses really add to the effect! Good!.!.!. did your friend really suicide!? If so, I'm sorry!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

how so sad!. Very good poem, I love the pauses!.Www@QuestionHome@Com