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Question: Euthanization poem!. Any thoughts!?
Its quite superficial!. I'm a volunteer student at a local veterinary clinic, and today I just witnessed my first euthanization!. Any thoughts would be great!.


Death,
As inevitable as it may be,
Is it really worth the price of,
Eternity!?

I don't have much to say,
but the horror that struck,
the side of my face,
to learn of a such

Despairing moment,
depression in the air,
the garbage bag that sat,
to the left of my chair

"To the freezer it goes",
the veterinarian had said,
"down through the hallway,
just take a left over there"

An empty carcass,
a lifeless thing,
of molecules and atoms,
how emotionless it had been

A terrier it was not,
a retriever it may have been,
all I had felt,
were teardrops upon my skin

"you can do this" I had said,
a lifeless thing it had been,
its head of golden colour,
now thumped against my skin

To the freezer I went,
opened it I had,
swung the body round side
and to the bottom it began!.

Down through the ice,
happy memories and such,
an organism that once was,
an incredible mut!.

I will never forget the day,
God took such a thing,
from an incredible family,
The soccer mom and her kin

An "After-life", they say
a new beginning their might be
Well, all I say is
for dogs there just has to be!.Www@QuestionHome@Com


Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
It's not bad, actually!. It's emotionally intense, has a good rhythm and doesn't seem to be overly simplistic, as some poems are!.

Struck doesn't need a comma after it
a such --> such a
You need a period or something after chair
You should have a period after the word "there"
You need a period after the first "been", and a semicolon after the 2nd one
You need a period after "skin"
The stanza that starts "to the freezer" just sounds like nonsense!. Read it -- it sounds like Yoda speaking!.
"Mut" should be "mutt"!.
You need a period after "kin"!.
"their might be" should be "there might be"!. also that sentence needs a period!.

And I am very, very sorry you had to witness that!. Truly, truly a tragedy!.

I wish you peace!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

I liked the concrete imagery and the slant rhymes throughout!. Have you ever heard of a villanelle!? It's a form of poetry and I think this poem would be more powerful if you tried to re-write it into that format, or maybe combined some of the lines and stanza's so that it doesn't come across quite so sing-songy!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

I find the style primitive and awkward!. But at least it isn't a sappy love poem!.Www@QuestionHome@Com