okay, so i wrote a poem in about 10 minutes and its pretty long!. I dont need help on grammar or anything, cuz i can do that i just am too tired to do it right now!. but if you dont mind- could you read it and tell me what you think needs to change!?
its kinda a childrens poem!. there are 2 or 3 words a small child wouldn't know, but i did that on purpose (cuz my memories of being read to as a child is simply asking what some of the words meant )
but please if you have time read through it - tell me what you think!.
If you dont like it just say you dont, i wrote it only a minute ago and its 6:00 here and i still havent had sleep, so if it sucks i wont take it personally
heres the link:
http://allpoetry!.com/poem/4672669Www@QuestionHome@Com
i think it's great!. i'd read it to my kids if i had them!. it reminds me of the song beautiful and bold by john david rushton's content life!. you should check out the song when you want to fix the poem up! :-DWww@QuestionHome@Com
Several of the lines, e!.g!. "The old people below," and "peeked as they'd pass by," don't really scan all that well in context!. I'd spend some more time working out the kinks in the meter!.
If I were you, I'd put in a couple more stanzas physically describing the monster -- all we know right know is that he is furry!. I wasn't particularly visual as a child, but I know that most children are!.
I'd also remove or modify the stanzas
but inside his heart,
what really matters,
the warmth and kindness
ruled out the latter!.
he may have looked frightening
looking out of that window
but harm on his mind!?
i really don't think so!.
This is the sort of thing that you want to show, not tell, the reader!. You should lead him to these conclusions himself by describing the monster's actions and emotions rather than just stating that they were warm and positive!.
I didn't actually finish reading, but that should be a start!.Www@QuestionHome@Com