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Position:Home>Poetry> Can you please Read/ Critique My poem?Question: Can you please Read/ Critique My poem!? I'm here alone, It's only me!. Where shadows keep me company At night I roam the empty streets As snow falls; in cold white sheets!.!. In darkness I creep into your room Where silently, I bring you doom!.!. I lick the crimson from my lips After I draw from you, Two tiny sips!.!.!. I move your hair back into place!.!. while paleness consumes your icy face!.!. Next midnight you'll become a slave! To all those mortals you will crave!. Now my dear, I must leave you here With a bloody smirk from ear to ear, I watch your corpse lay cold and still Now it's your choice!. Who's blood will spill!?Www@QuestionHome@Com Best Answer - Chosen by Asker: I like it! " with a bloddy smirk from ear to ear" your good at this! write more and post so I can read em! hahahaWww@QuestionHome@Com From the first two lines I thought it might go somewhere interesting!. Then you turned it into a cliched prose piece about vampires, with a bad rhyming scheme and no metrics!. If you're going to rhyme, you need to use metrics!. If you don't know what they are, then why are you using rhyme!? Boring and not new at all!.Www@QuestionHome@Com i like how you ended it!.!.!.!. "now its your choice!.!.!." But it was a bit cliche!. I liked how you made the picture very clear!. But like I say it could use work!. But thats a good thing All in all on a scale of 1 to 10 (10 being the worse) I would say 4 A little over the average side but not extremely exoticWww@QuestionHome@Com I like it!. That person is just being a little too hard on you!. It can use some work, but I think it is a good poem!. :)Www@QuestionHome@Com corpse!?!? i like! purdy as well! *joker!?*Www@QuestionHome@Com |