Position:Home>Poetry> This poem I wrote. Thoughts please? I worked hard on it?
Question: This poem I wrote!. Thoughts please!? I worked hard on it!?
Come away with me to my hidden meadow!.
Where the trees rain roses and the butterflies sing!.
Here we have wings, radiating of blue bells and buttercups!.
We can go wherever we want, however we want; we will fly!.
Frolic with me by the lakeside, our skirts twirling in unison in the forever blooming daisies; we will blossom!.
Two crowns of dandelions I've made; still vibrant with yellow and life!.
Soon enough they’ll wilt, may only be wished upon!.
Take yours!. I’ve wished far enough, wish no longer to dream!.
We’ll place them atop our delicate ringlets, gleaming in a blissful promise!.
Our hair their soil, there never shall they wilt, bound by the stems; we will love!.
Lye with me on the hilltop, we can read the tales of the sky!.
Tales of a hope of a girl, longing for a love and for a promise!.
No one will know, it will be our secret; we will hide!.
T’is here I’ll be in my hidden meadow, open only to you and I!.
Here I hold with gentle patience, our crowns, longing for soil;
I will wait!.
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Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
- sniffles - That's rad Willow love!
Much better than my own :PWww@QuestionHome@Com
It is really beautiful!. A cross between fantasy and reality; your visualizations come across perfectly!.
Except Lye -- which is:
1 orig!., a strong, alkaline solution obtained by leaching wood ashes
2 any strongly alkaline substance, usually sodium or potassium hydroxide, used in cleaning, making soap, etc!.
3 any substance obtained by leaching
This one word ruins the poem!. But it is only one word and that is easy to change to LIE -- that feels funny because you think of telling a lie, but it is not all!. Make that change and you have perfection!.t
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Wonderful!
Don't bother 'modernizing'!. The words you used are brilliant!. It's very much like my poetry, and i would describe it , as a friend once did of mine, as 'Winter' Poetry!. Very structured, clean cut, and, in the nicest way possible, cold!. Unlike Summer poetry, which would be very loose, with frivolous words!. I prefer what you've done to other types!.
Keep writing, it's fantastic!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
its really easy to tell that you have put Lots of work into this poem i think the second para is the best tho for the readers i think you should simplify the words in it modernize them maybe its very good tho i enjoyed reading it!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
beautiful
it made me feel soo calm and
it makes me want to go there to this wonderful place!.!.!.
for a second i had to snap back to real life hahaWww@QuestionHome@Com
you use soo many of the ideas in my poems,
its like a combo of like lines in my poems reworded into yoursWww@QuestionHome@Com