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Question: Will you comment on "The Unsaid Things"!?
I was crying
No on listened
I was crying
No one heard
I was crying for salvation
Although I never said a word
My actions were a sign post
That nobody ever read
And still I went on crying
Went on crying in my head
I tried to raise my voice once
To communicate my pain
Nobody was listening
I didn't try again
Look benieth the mask I wear
Can't you see the tears
Listen to the words that
Nobody ever hears
They belong to me
Or perhaps, they sound like yours!?Www@QuestionHome@Com


Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
Please, stop screaming !. Or is that me!?Www@QuestionHome@Com

Your title is excellent!. I suck at writing titles, so I appreciate a good one when I see it!.
The strongest part of this poem (in my opinion) is the final few lines where the speaker turns the crying around on the listener!. I'd suggest working on the first section, though, because it seems to drag just a little in the middle!.
also, poetry about emotion is common!. So you want to do something new and interesting to make your poem worth reading!. You have the beginnings of this in that twist at the end, so I suggest making that the focus of the poem!. Refine the first section to make it more unique and you'll have a lovely piece of art!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

Sometimes while people cry behind maskes'
and
Actions are yelling HEY! YOU!
and
Yes, Youse! Users! Confunfusers, Dumbfounders! Rebounders!
Feckers of mines minds eyes,and players, portrait betrayers,
and
You sink sunk gurgleing and spitting drowning downing
eating words others have written
Sometimes the others don't Hear
You Hear!?
and
Then as you
LISTEN! WATCH!
and position yourself
You finally see, it is because,
They are too,
People wearing Maskes with tearing tears
And YELLING! back at you and youses!.


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Strong ending!. A cry for help is often overlooked or sadly ignored, perhaps as you imply because the looker is facing the same!. I was crying, silent crying and no one heard!. Typo on beneath!. Overall, a strong sentiment expressed strongly!. Www@QuestionHome@Com

Sin, as usual this one is very good!. You have a good ear for rhythm!. You have a nice subtle rhyming that does not come across as "rhymey!." And it is easy to see that your message is very heartfelt!. You might want to take a look at line 9 & 10; I'm not sure that quite works!. Excellent poem overall!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

You are doing very well!. You have a good feel for poetic meter!. I like poems that end in a question!. This gives the reader something to think about once the poem has ended!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

This is a very strong song lyric!. You could make a chorus out of "Went on crying in my head!." I knew this was going to be good!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

Despite the melecholy tone of the poem it was nice to read!. The rhythm and cadence are melodic like a sad song!. Www@QuestionHome@Com

Very good, I like it, it is heart felt!.!.!.!. here is a small one for you!.!.!. if you have tears,give no fear,smile and laugh,tomorrow will be here at last : ) Www@QuestionHome@Com

wow is the only thing i could say
i loved it
keep on writing :)Www@QuestionHome@Com