Position:Home>Poetry> YEAH!!! check this poem... I've been having this dream for that past 3 days
Question: YEAH!!! check this poem!.!.!. I've been having this dream for that past 3 days so i just wanted to make it a poem!?
eleven o'clock soon sleep will come,
bringing with it that same dream,
I've dreamt for days before,
a dream that now i look for,
visions of You drift in my head,
the dream again replays its self yet again,
You walk right in and crawl in next to me,
Your hand reaches to My face,
to brush the hair out of My eyes,
so that I can look upon Your face,
and see the love that You show,
one leg over and then I know,
Our lips are locked Our tongues in battle,
pushing back and forth for control,
My hands reach up under Your shirt,
to hold Your sides to touch Your skin,
Your eyes open up Our lips unlock,
Your lips they move but no words come out,
My hands at your side they feel no warmth,
soon, much to soon, you disappear,
I want to scream I want to fight,
No don't go! I'll keep You here!
but then Your gone and I am alone,
I want to cry I want to die,
then I hear the song on my phone,
time to get up get ready for school,
looking back on My bed with looks of longing,
A smile appears and then I know,
that again tonight My love will come,
and every night after You will always come,
If only in dream, I can still dream!?
visions of You drift to my head,
I push open the door to meet You at school!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
aww, thats sweet
i love it
its way better than mine
u got anymore poems!?!?Www@QuestionHome@Com
INTENSE DUDE!!!! I can feel the love, but a bit FULL ON for me, but that really rocks other people's boat! Great use of assonance and ryhme, souns like u really like this girl!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.(",) Www@QuestionHome@Com
awesome its rocks my worldWww@QuestionHome@Com
awsome poem dude!. i LOVED it ^ ^ well c u @ schoolWww@QuestionHome@Com
I was with you up until the tongue battle!. It goes from describing a romantic dream to describing a teenage groping fest in the tongue battle and hands under the shirt lines!. I'd reword those lines to fit the feel of the beginning of the poem, passionate but a little more subtle!.
I thought the ending was a little rough as well!. Waking up to a song on your cell phone and getting ready for school makes me feel like I just read about a horny teenager's wet dream!. Just a thought!.!.!. maybe make the fact that it's a dream unknown until you get to the part where she "disappears" upon your waking!.
Just my humble opinion!. Good luck!Www@QuestionHome@Com