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Question: Please have a look at my poem!.!.!.!?
America America ,
God bless America,
Lincoln, Washington, gorge bush too,
These are the men we salute too,
From new York to Washington,
From pride to dignity,
To which extent I perform my duty,
From which grace I give you my liberty,

Oh how i stare at the twilight’s last gleaming,
Thus for the sun to cease,
Just so the moon can upsurge,
Now for our spirits and your souls left to merge,
I’ll cherish it for generations,
Such bliss to make the perished smile,
Standing alone,
My only nourishment,
God bless America,
God bless America!.


i wrote this when i was 12(i now am 16) i do not really see anything that needs changing and think its one of the best poems i have wrote since i love USA because all my family are there so i think it reflects that
so please tell me how it is and if anything is a bit out of line!.Www@QuestionHome@Com


Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
Very good! I love that! BTW, I also like your sokka word bender pic! LOLZ!Www@QuestionHome@Com

Wow, you wrote that when you were TWELVE!? My God, you must have talent!. I think it is very moving and inspirational - you should be proud!
The only thing I would change is the beginning bit (I mean this bit)

America America ,
God bless America,
Lincoln, Washington, gorge bush too,
These are the men we salute too,

The America, America bit is fine and so is the God bless America bit, but I think the Lincoln, Washinton etc bit to the We salute too bit needs altering!. It seems a bit!.!.!.I don't know!.!.!.off!. I know that's not a very good word to put it!.
I think you should put something like:
"From the long stretch of states, they go far and wide
And through every day, I shall stand by their side"

And then onto the From New York to Washington etc!.

You can take my advice if you want - the bit I've changed might not need changing! Your bit is still good!. What I've put is just an idea that you can alter if you wish!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

spelling errors: George, New York, I

Some phrasing is plagiarised!.

I recognise that this is free verse but since it has little rhyning and next to no rhythm, it works better as prose than poetry!.

In grade 6, I would have given you a B but for high school, it would get a C-!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

It's a nice poem!. A genuine salute to the greatest country in the world!. However, it's "George" Bush!. also, it's "New" York!. Thanks for sharing!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

I think you need to wake up!.

Patriotism is fine!.!.!. but this is not patriotism!. This is ridiculous!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

mmm I think you have alot of American pride obviouslyWww@QuestionHome@Com