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Question: Critique these please all comments welcome most helpful 10 points :)!?
Waiting

Ice cold tears on my face as I await
This life has gotten no where
Yet has lost so much
What will I do without you!?
One night I shall wake
To be found dead
Shall I dread!?
Or live life never ahead…


I’m thinking though
We must all go
How sad to be found
Never again lost in one world
Living in another
Crying forever a million tears
What does it help!?
I’m stuck here leaving empty handed
What did I do!?
But move from you

Lonely

She thinks lonely!.!.!. better
I know I will wait
Left me before now never back
All alone standing here
Thinking back
What has happened then… pain
Heartbreak…loneliness
Lonesome smile lonesome heart… lonesome eyes
Living alone!.!.!. living together
Which is which in dead eyes…
Nothing comes through…
Alone!.!.!.better
Forever thinking immorally
Breathing dying waiting nothing ever changes
She thinks lonely…better

Wishing for dreams

I’m waiting for life to come and save me
Beautiful prince what could be wanted more
Fairytales and happy endings
Beautiful beginnings
This is the real world deaths!.!.!. pain!.!.!.
Heartbreak… loneliness!.!.!. Losing it all
I’m waiting for nothing but wishing for dreams!.
So I wish yet nothing
My fairytale is ending
But there’s no happily ever after!.
It ends with I’m wishing for a dream…
I’m waiting for nothing!.


Walk tall Never

If you care there’s one person who listens!.
When you speak you wish and dream!.
When you walk you have no reason!.
But when you think they are there!.
A million miles away seems pretty far until you're there walking away!.
Giving up feels pretty nice but what happens when your happily
ever after gives up on you!.!.!.
We're waiting for life’s fairytales yet they never come!.
Or is it really we're giving up!.
Every second you waste is a mile of walking for your soul!.
We are wishing for a dream!.
We are dying inside yet never seem to notice!.
You think you have it all till you never get you’re
happily ever after but you get a wishing for a dream!.!.!.

High, free, BEAUTIFUL

I am ten thousand feet high
Up here there’s no limit
We fly free
I am queen
I own it all
I live for it
I never fall
But in the case that I shall
I fall thousands of feet cold tears
Will cheer me up and your warm eyes and smile

Remember

I remember
I remember it all
The first
The ticking silence
The beautiful click
The pencil ran
Across the paper
The keys clicked I was getting higher
I fell
I fell many a few
Every time though there were those tears to keep me good
I remember everything
I will remember you
I will remember when I pass on
I shall remember the new the old the every cruel
The beautiful the failed and the doomed
Though we are many of thee we all remember
Loving brings us closer
And beauty takes us farther

Believe

Do you believe oh do you believe!?
Do you believe in rising up!?
Do you believe in reaching the top!?
Do you think it will happen!?
Just think!.!.!.
Remember trying to get all the way there
Remember your first word your first voice
We changed we failed we tried
But have we ever failed to try!?
Do you believe oh do you believe!?


The top

I stand here trying to reach the top
With nothing but a hop
But does that hop take me far
Or is there use for a car
A rhyme will last for now
But will break how!?
Our words are free
Don’t you worry
It comes so well
You can just tell


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Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
Usually it's a pretty good idea to post just one poem at a time!. I will try to give some constructive input on the first one!. At the very beginning, is "ice cold tears" an attempt to be ironic!? It just comes off as incongruous!. Lines 2-3, "This life has gotten no where / Yet has lost so much" doesn't make a lot of sense to me and the syntax is awkward!. the same could be said of lines 5 & 6, and of line 8!. Lines 4, 14 and 16 are all cliches: "million tears", "empty handed"; remember that if you have heard it before, so has everyone else!. Finally, your rhyming in the first stanza is very awkward; you have used no rhymes at all, then suddenly there are 3 in a row and one of them ("dread")sounds really forced!. I applaud your interest in poetry and I hope that it continues!. Just remember that this is a craft that must be learned and that you have an audience to whom you are trying to communicate!. Good luck to you!.Www@QuestionHome@Com