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Question: Opinions on my poem please!? !?
I would like some opinions on my poem so that I can make it better, because I'm not really that good at editing ^^!. Thanks! ^^
I don't worry about the dark
Because I can always pretend
That it's light
I don't worry about living
In a rundown house
Because I can always pretend
That it's a mansion
Mummy told me that she was sorry
That life turned out like this
But I told her not to worry
Because right then I could see her
In a sparkling white gown
And pearls around her neck
And she said
That she could see me
In a silk dress
With a halo on my head
And we smiled at each other
And pretended
Just for a moment
That what we said was trueWww@QuestionHome@Com
Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
A lovely poem!.
Edited it might end up like this:
I don't worry about the dark -
I can always pretend
It's light!
I don't worry about living
In a rundown house -
I can always pretend
It's a mansion!
Mummy told me that she was sorry
That life turned out like this;
But I told her not to worry,
For right then I could see her,
In a sparkling white gown
With pearls around her neck!.
And to that she said
That she could see me,
In a silk dress;
With a halo over my head!.
We smiled at each other;
And pretended,
Just for a moment,
That whatever we said was true!.
To give it a complete spooky twist you might title it ‘The Ghosts’Www@QuestionHome@Com
Skytale's edited version is good!. Punctuations make way for clearer expression!. Except for that, you don't need to change anything else!. Wow, this poem is great!. Mind if I share this with my students!?Www@QuestionHome@Com
I like it!. Just add some punctuation!. Very, very good, very moving!. Www@QuestionHome@Com
it's quite good!. if you would ask for a title, i would suggest Pretend!.Www@QuestionHome@Com