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Question: Rate My Poem, Improvements!?
In your desert sky eyes,
I’m just conjurer’s gold,
You feel I’m no more greater than a fish, or… doornail -
But, I am the coming forth of morning, or…!. I’m the glittering sword!.
You are death,
A passing cloud,
Not seeing me as a wildflower,
But, McDonald’s fries!.
Piercing Arrows,
Bringing me down,
a wounded stag!.
I, a well of sorrow,
But, you, a mole,
Only feeling his way,
Wildfire!.
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Thought of Changing!.!.!.!.!.!.
fish to doornail!.!.!.!.!.!.
coming forth of morning to!.!.!.!.!. glittering sword!.!.!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
In your desert sky eyes,
I am but conjurer's gold
You feel my worth is no greater than a fish
Yet I am the coming forth of morning
You are death,
A passing cloud,
Seeing me not as a wildflower,
But, as ragweed!.
Piercing Arrows,
Bring me down,
a wounded stag!.
I am a mere well of sorrow,
But you are a mole,
Blindly feeling his way,
Wildfire!. >>This doesn't tie in very well
Sorry for hacking up your words again!. I totally wasn't feeling the Fries line!. I get what you were going for, but the whole vibe was off!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
i think it's very good
except for the mcdonald's fries line
it ruins the mood
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VERY GOOD ~I LOVE IT!
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