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Question: The Storm!. Do you like this poem!?
Helpful suggestions for improvement are welcomed

The Storm (Free-form)

It seemed a normal lazy Summer afternoon
A desultory, hazy, stifling kind of day
The leaden atmosphere felt like a hand
Pressing relentlessly on people's heads!.
Enough for them to feel a vague unease!.
The sky was filled with a peculiar light
With flashes of yellow darting across!.
Bass drums rolled and Titans clashed!.
As though The End of the World was Nigh

The postman paused and leaned his bike
Against the once-white picket fence
To take off his cap to wipe his brow
The oppressive heat was stifling now!.
Suddenly as from a cliff-high cataract
Cascading water crashed loudly down
To bounce off tarmaced, dusty roads!.
The sleepy drains, taken by surprise
Swallowed, then disgorged the rain again
To gush in torrents down arid streets,
A welcome change from summer's heat

- As quickly as it came, it went -
The squelching paperboy appeared
Clutching sodden papers in his hands
His hair plastered close upon his head
Looking bewildered and a little lost
At Mother Nature's demonstration
Of who is, in this world, the boss!.

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Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
I like it, especially the progression of the folks as description!. But I do think you might put in a bit more thought on those similes and metaphors, which are a little stale!. The trick to s's and m's is either to run them to describe something different (like Janis Ian's reference to snowshine and sunshowers), or to find an unexpected way to represent an old effect!. And I'd cut down a bit on the pronouns, particularly doubling them in the same line!. Don't waste verbiage where you can avoid it, and if you have to spend the extra, let it be in adjectives or adverbs!. And, just a picking of the nit: normal is not applicable here!. Ordinary would have been better!.
Further, don't tell us, show us!. No need to talk of peculiar light if you're going to go on and describe it to us!. And use vibrant verbs, which provide more color and motion!.
But I just love this:

As quickly as it came, it went -
The squelching paperboy appeared
Clutching sodden papers in his hands
His hair plastered close upon his head
Looking bewildered and a little lost
At Mother Nature's demonstration
Of who is, in this world, the boss!.

I might have had this hair plastered dark to his head, but that's just personal taste!. Work the rest of it to match this last stanza, and you have a winner!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

I believe it would convey the same message if it were written as prose!. This is the kind of poem you would hear on The Writer's Almanac on NPR!. Nothing spectacular, just a nice little story that's descriptive enough to kill time before Fresh Air with Terri Gross starts!. She's my favorite!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

Damn skippy, sister! I remember it well!.!.!.!.
Torment, high winds, and rain attacks us tonight!.!.!.
The sound of the rain, WONDERFUL, the thought of Morn'!.!.!.!.
I'm all full and sleepy!.!.!.!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

I'd have answered this earlier but Mother was slapping the tar out of this little Florida city, very much in the way you described!

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Mother Nature does indeed have a strange sense of humor!.
Dry, still air, torrential rains, tornadoes, hot humidity!.!.!.
And it's only noon!
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I love it!. For me, it conveys a message of how no, one person, can be the boss over all other mankind!. Brilliant =]Www@QuestionHome@Com

"Do you like my poem!?" !.!.!. yes I do like your poem!!
I like the way Mother Nature gives us a slap every so often!.!.
Keeps us dancin!.!.
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who's the boss!.!.!.!.!.you left no doubt G Jill!.!.!.ya' Mother , that's who !!!Www@QuestionHome@Com

It's OK!. I prefer poem that actually rhyme!. peaceWww@QuestionHome@Com

I prefer to write in rhyme, it's rare that I'm brave enough to try free form or any other style!. But I really enjoy reading those who ARE brave enough!. With the two very minor suggestions I have below!.!. I really enjoyed this!. I could feel the heat, I could smell the rain!.!.!.and I can remember being caught in that very situation a time or two!.

So yes, I DO like this poem!.

The period after "!.!.!.people's heads!." When reading, I stop after seeing a period!. But I don't think you need one there since you are flowing into the next line!. Either leave it out or use a comma to continue that flow!.
And 'tarmacked' is the adjective spelling of tarmac!.!.!.at least in my dictionary (I am NOT being sarcastic by any means!.!.I'm Canadian, it could very well be different!.!.sigh)Www@QuestionHome@Com

I like what you are doing and the images!. This could however be tightened up more!. Here is an example, somewhat rough but an example of your first stanza!.!.!.tightened!.

a normal lazy Summer afternoon
desultory, hazy!.!.!.a stifling day
with leaden atmosphere weighing down
pressing relentlessly, oppressively,
Enough for people to feel vague unease!.
And sky was filled with peculiar light
with flashes of yellow darting there about
as bass drums rolled and Titans clashed!.
Surely the End of the World was Nigh!.
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