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Question: An earlier poem revised!?
She walks
I stare
I look down then I stare
I look down then I stare
look at her long hair
look at her pretty face
I can't lower my gaze
ok I think I can look away
nope I can't lower my gaze
she has just the right height
she has just the right laugh
but I can't lower my gaze
she has just the right smile
I think it will be a while
I'm glad the cat has my tongue
I'm glad I don't say much words
another sin will be hung
I'm glad I have the right nerves
I can't lower my gaze
she says I'm so serious
but she can't see my inside
I think I'm focused at work
or its my shyness I hide
Did I lower my gaze
its my feelings I hide
my attraction I hide
I just can't go for this ride
how can I lower my gaze
I have enough on my plate
that I might get hung for
but that's a part of my fate
I want to lower my gaze
I may control it some more
but i will see her again
and when she comes through the door
i even feel my heart grin
and when she calls me my name
I feel so happy inside
but the reality is
she cannot be my wife
and this is just how it goes
I guess I have to move on
yet, I'm depressed and lonely
I guess I have to stay strong
but you're a beautiful thing
I see the things you've been through
and you make my bells ring
I getting so into you
and before this poem ends
just let me say a few words
i have to say it again
you are a beeeeaaaaautifuuuul giiiiiiirl!!!
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Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
It's very sweet!. :-)

I like the repetition of 'I can't lower my gaze!.' Overall it's pretty effective, with nice rhythm!. The beginning doesn't quite fit, but that could probably be fixed easily, maybe by moving around a few lines (maybe something like- She walks and I stare / Look at her long hair / I look down then I stare)!. Other than that, I think just tweaking a few words here and there would help!.

It's a cool poem!. I like especially how the mood changes from beginning to end!.
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Thank goodness you can't lower your gaze, cause then you'll get caught looking at her chesticles!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

This appears to mean much more to you than just the poem itself!.!.!.could be therapeutic!. smiles!. nice work, keep working at it!.Www@QuestionHome@Com