Are these poems actually good?

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Question:

Okay, i got an assignment for Advanced English and i have to write a poem!. I wrote two!. So here goes the first one!. Tell me how you like:

Luminosity

My luminescence
Burning in the corner
Have you forgotten about me!?
As a flame dances on my head
I slowly disintegrate
Wax dripping down my body
I'm almost gone

A pool of what used to be me surrounds my feet
The scent of apple cinnamon
The smell of my burning body filling
The dark isolated room
My remains cool into a hard shell of wax
As the golden flame dies and transforms
Into a foggy cloud of smoke
But my bittersweet aroma remains

Alright, that was the first one!. I'm not too sure about what to put as the title!. I thought about "Candle" but that's basically what the whole poem is about!. "Luminosity" wouldn't work cuz i already used it in the poem!. Any tips or revisions would be great!. Please no rude comments =]

Here is the Second one:

Pillow (again, a horrible title)

Here i lay
Hair sprawled across my white satin case
As a pool of warm saliva gathers and slowly seeps
Into my soft fabric
I hope you're satisfied
Night after night
I lay in wet sticky pain
Yet you lay there in your unconsious mind
Numb from your "oh-so-laborous" life!.
What do i get!?
A daily dose of your disgusting morning breath and
Obnoxious snoring
You better love me for this

Okay, i know these aren't the best poems!. But bare with me :)
Please leave any comments!. Any critique!. (As long as it isn't anything rude)!. Please, PLEASE help me think up of a title for both, or just one of the poems!. "pillow" and "candel" just doesn't blow my skirt up! =)
Again, anything you can help me with, just lemme know!
-Thanks!Www@QuestionHome@Com

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:

Your teacher is correct, poems do NOT have to rhyme!. Let's look at your first poem!.!.!.the perspective is a candle, the metaphor is that the candle is "you"!.!.!.the story is that you may not be appreciated and your life is slowing dripping away!.!.!.so, "luminescence" may not be the best title!. Let's look at some editing suggestions and see how it looks before deciding on a title!.!.!.here are some recommendations:

My brilliance
Burns in the corner
Have you forgotten me!?
A flame dances on my head
My wick burns and
I slowly wane
Wax dripping down
My body almost gone

Misguided potential pools at feet
A scent of apple cinnamon
The smell of my life's passing
Fills the dark corners of the room
My past cools into a hard shell
As the golden flame dies, wisps
Into a thin spiral of smoke
But my bittersweet aroma remains

!.!.!.so how about "Candle-Life"!.!.!.it gives you a play on "candle light" and allows the connection and resolution of the metaphor!.

Your second poem is more problematic in that you use very course, but specific images rather than more symbolic phrasing (saliva is pretty specific)!. Let's see!.!.!.how about:

Here I lay
Hair across my white satin face
As you drool your dreams
Onto my virgin weave
I hope you're satisfied
Night after night
I lay wet with your oblivion
You, just laying there
With your unconsious mind
Numb from your "oh-so-laborous" life!.
What do i get!?
A nightly dose of dragon breath
And Oh-so-obnoxious snoring
You better love me for this

!.!.!.and call this one, "Pillow-talk"

Hope this helpsWww@QuestionHome@Com

it's pretty good!.

answer mine
http://answers!.yahoo!.com/question/index;!.!.!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

go to www!.Gotpoetry!.com

that is one of the best Poetry critiquing websites i've ever been too!.!.!.!.give it a try manWww@QuestionHome@Com