Position:Home>Poetry> What is you honest opinion of this poem ?

Great work! Very ambitious and a wonderful pathos!. I would say you're well on your way with this poem!. You might need to collect your thoughts a little more!. also, formatting and spelling is important!. If you neglects these, the poem can often be confusing to the reader even if it all makes sense in your head!. I've added some more specific comments within the poem itself below:


No!! (Bold entrance!. However, you may need a cleaner way to transition on!. Example: "No!!" I tell myself!. "I need to slow down!")
I tell myself to slow down!.
Stop; let my feet touch the ground!. (this part works, but alternatives you MIGHT want to try are "Stop to let my!.!.!." or "Stop and let my!.!.!.", but these changes aren't needed!.)

It's always haste, haste, haste;
as if there's no time to waste!.
But there is and alot (Might be more effective as "But, there is! There's a lot!" Breaking these declarations up like this punch the thought a little more)
However, that's just a thought!.


[ The rhyme scheme gets a little weak here!. I like that you're pursuing a reoccuring thought though!. ]
It doesn't help me!.
So tell me!. Am I crazy!? (Don't ask if you're crazy and then state that you are!. It scatters your thoughts a bit!.)
What can I say!? It's an obsession!.
I'm crazy!. That's my confession!.

[ I would try out some different words and numbers of syllables for this portion to try and get the rhythm to flow a little better ]
I snatch it up fast (A little too ambiguous to me!. Seems unclear what you are snatching up)
Continually drinking the pain away (I would cut the word "Continually" here!. You're already telling us in the next lines that it goes on day after day)
It goes on
day after day!.

Here it goes again!.
At the thought, I cringe!.
But, who can stop the binge!? (A little picky here, but I think this line would flow a little better with a few more syllables!. Like, if you picked a meaningful adjective to put in front of binge, I think it would be perfect!. Examples: lifelong, steadfast, incessant, etc!.)

I grab the flask!.
"Why!?!" I ask!.
Tell me!. Am I insane!? (Again, I would prefer that you not ask if you are insane and then tell us you are crazy!. I would either go with saying that you definitely are crazy or always questioning!.)
What can I say!? It's an obession!.
I'm crazy!. That's my confession!.

I can't take it!
I just can't take it anymore!
I let the red drops hit the floor!. (Nice imagery)
From the blade it drips!.
My skin, it painfully rips!.
The drops are a mixture of victory and pain!.
Tell me!. Am I insane!?

What else can I say!? It's an obession!.
I'm crazy!. That's my confession!.
Here!.
There!.
Everywhere!.
There faces so inperfect, it doesn't feel right!. (Not quite sure what you meant to type here!. "There are faces so inperfect" or "Their faces are so inperfect"!?)
What am I doing here!?
Can they (I'm guessing you didn't finish here!.!.!.)Www@QuestionHome@Com

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It is ok!. If I were you I would try and change the rhyme scheme because i don't think is reflects the message of the poem!. also I don't like the part where you say it's an obsession, im crazy thats my confession!. It doesn't seem nessersary to repeat it!. If I were you I would change that line to something else to make the poem more powerful and hard hitting!. Other than that it's ok!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

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Actually if i'm your teacher,maybe i will scold you for many wrong spelling

And!For my opinion,i think!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.

It's awesome!!!!!God,how do you make this thing,WOW!!!!!Www@QuestionHome@Com

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You tried too hard to fit into your idea of what it should look/sound!. its choppy and hard to follow because of all the forced rhyming!.
I'm not saying it's complete crap or anything

Www@QuestionHome@Com

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ii thiink its g00d but ii hope d@ts not r3@lly tru3!. thiis could wiin iin a cont3st!. iit shows r3@l p@ssi0n @nd u can f33l d@ n@rr@tors f33liing$Www@QuestionHome@Com

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it's okay ; a good message/topic but it just doesn't seem idk sincere or something!.!.!. you don't have to rhyme in poemsWww@QuestionHome@Com

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I think its really good and also flows reallly wellWww@QuestionHome@Com

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goodWww@QuestionHome@Com

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goodWww@QuestionHome@Com

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its goodWww@QuestionHome@Com

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