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Question: Can u give me some constructive critism on this poem!?
Yes, I know it's a little corny
but pl don make fun of mee
this stuff make me feel better=]

My heart is beating still
I wish it would just stop
I feel so strange and empty
My life lacks something whole
Something I cannot live without
but do I have a choice!?
Nothing make me fell better
its all to temporar
all these distractions
they just push the pain aside
I need a bandage for my heart
I tihnk its broken too
I'm missing peices
they lay on the floor
But why rapair them and risk losing more>
You took everything of mine when you my heart
now you've returned it damaged
Was it love or lust!?
I can only feel the sadness
I my will was strong
so i could face you own my own
It couldent break my heart to forget you
I've already felt it break once
I wish the tear would slow and dry up
They fall until I sleepBut then still i feel the ache
I hold my self together
to satisfy the others
but in my life ive never felt that way
&now I end up with this pain
i'll never care again
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Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
Hi!. Poor spelling and grammar is the first thing I noticed!. In order to effectively communicate emotions in poetry, its important to ensure your readers can concentrate on that emotion rather than trying to decipher the words they are trying read!.

It needs work on the rhythm or timing of the words and it doesn't actually rhyme in places where perhaps it should!.

That being said, its a work of art and a piece through which you have been able to express yourself, and that is the most important and exciting part about being creative!.

Its yours and therefore there are no rules you need to follow!.

Don't write to impress !.!.!. write to express!.

I hope your broken heart mends quickly!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

Wow you are a really good writter:

1)Sentence structure is well developed as well as your tone!.

2)There are some parts where the rithym is lost and also try to keep the rhyming on a smooth flow throughout the poem!.

3)Work on your ending, it's fine now, but try to finish on a resolved form as in a conclusion!.

Besides that you are good
Allow me to repeat what a good witter/artist you are

:)


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:)Www@QuestionHome@Com

it's cool!!.!.!.i also read it backwards, and it sounded cool that way too!. try it!Www@QuestionHome@Com

its deffinitley NOT corny!. i like it!. it shows alot of emotionWww@QuestionHome@Com

its really sad! i hope things get better!Www@QuestionHome@Com

Poetry,(or any form of prose and verse) is a wonderful way to express what you are feeling!. Somehow putting pen to paper can relieve our minds/souls of burdens!. I would clean up the spelling and punctuation before posting it!. Makes for easier reading!.!.!.Hold your meter constant, it is all over the place!. Poetry is personal, come back to it in a week and see if it needs revisions!. Quite often you will see words or phrases that almost embarrass you; do not be afraid to amend!.

Nice job, good luck!Www@QuestionHome@Com