I'm putting together a little book of my verses for my granddaughter for Chr

Question: I'm putting together a little book of my verses for my granddaughter for Christmas, how is this!?

Pixie Wings
An Emmy Poem
by C!.S!. Scotkin

Under my bed I have a box
A box of bright purple wings
Purple wings that can help you to fly
Fly up over bouncy bed springs!.

Springs in your bed help you to jump
Jump so high you can catch a fly
Fly like a robin up so high
So high, you have the whole blue sky!.

Sky with puffy clouds and sunny Sun
Sun runs so fast across blue sky
Sky won’t get rainy, we have fun
Fun needs yummies for you and I!.

I get a box out under my bed,
bed with those big bouncy springs
springs out of the box, a Pixie’s head
head out with her bright purple wings!

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Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:

This is a difficult one!. Because of the repeated end to beginning phrases, it kind of strait-jackets you!. The first two verses it works fine - but the last two need some work!.!.!.!.I'm sure you can see that yourself!.

The partenza represa (Spytfire's creation) might better serve an adult poem!. For a little child, who may not even notice what you have done style-wise, the content and the satisfaction of good rhythm and end rhyme would be the thing!.
The subject is delightful and would appeal to a little girl, I am sure!.
(Maybe some tinkering and a repost!?)
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Very cute and very little girl-ish!. I think she'll enjoy this and hopefully the enjoyment will last a lifetime!.

My grandfather was my best friend when I was little!. He is long gone, but he lives on in my memory, and now that I'm a grandfather it would be nice to gain a little immortality in the same way!.

I think you may have gained yourself a little immortality with these verses!.
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For children, you really need the bouncy rhythmic sound of metered verse!. The repeating rhythm is what holds their attention and makes it like a song or nursery rhyme!. Try your syllable count and rewrite some of it for the bounce!. (besides the bed bouncing)!.

Be sure to read it aloud to get the full impact of the rhythm!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

http://www!.lulu!.com/

This is it! You can do 3 or 4 for less than $75!. You can do it with copyright and ISBN for around $175!.

Feel free to email questions to me!. I've done 3 books there, 3 more before Christmas!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

It is good to see you working on this form!. It takes a while to master, but knowing the way you work, it will probably be perfect the next time you try it!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

I like it I think it's cute,,,,The last stanza I don't know Wouldn't that scare a child ,,,,,Expecting a head to pop out With purple wings Www@QuestionHome@Com

I can't resist bright, bouncy verse!.

The kid in me says "Fun!"
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cute but the last 2 verses sound kinda weird!. not a bad weird just like kind of repetitive !. just a tip

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Love pixies, fun poem!. I pictured a head with no body coming out of the box though!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

What a wonderful keepsake!. Love comes in many splendid forms!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

CuteWww@QuestionHome@Com

Very cute!.!.
BUT
My momma said I was NOT to bounce on the bed!.!.!.!.!.!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

Fun! I'd very much like to read more!. Can I come for Christmas!?Www@QuestionHome@Com