Question Home

Position:Home>Poetry> So what do you think of this poem?


Question: So what do you think of this poem!?
on the wings of an albatross
high above the ocean
far away from the glitter and gloss
beyond the noise and commotion
nothing to see but sea and sky
no need to question how or why
leaving all without a word
ride the back of a giant bird

on the wings of an albatross
chasing after the sunset
thinking of the paths I've crossed
of all the souls I have met
forgetting everything that came before
chasing after a distant shore
trying to out run the ghosts of my past
wondering how long all of this will last

on the wings of an albatross
I'll fly awayWww@QuestionHome@Com


Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
The first part is really good, it conveys a message and sticks to a fathomable abstraction!.!.!. possibly the finish line is a bit weird!. We're now on the back of the albatross!.

The second part however is not so grand!. It needs more work - we seem to be shifting our message - it's not about leaving civilization behind for peace and tranquility anymore, it's retrospect views of a mix of things!. And then we forget the past!. Weird!.

So in my personal opinion there should be some more work on the second part before release, but it's not bad at all!. And I'm in no way expert of poetry :)Www@QuestionHome@Com

Thank you so much for this brilliant piece of poetry, Its the kind of piece that so many people can relate to, we all have a past and tend to cling to it at times not realizing if we just let go we can be free!. your words have helped me to remember this lesson and i have been able to help someone because of this so once again thank you and keep up the good work it means more to people than you realize!. Take Care xxxWww@QuestionHome@Com

wow, i read it like 3 times already, i love it! if you don't mind i copied it to show my sis when she wakes up but dont worry i'll erase it after she's read it!. It was kinda like something we were talking about today!. i hope that's ok!? kudos to you! got any more!?Www@QuestionHome@Com