| Question Home |
Position:Home>Poetry> Really need a poem critique here?Question: Really need a poem critique here!? Please help me critique this! I'm not worried about spelling right now, but I AM worried about the look/feel of the poem as a whole,and I'd like some pointers on how to fix it if possible, Thank you Any where you are, and every where you go that's where all perfection lies!.!. I know it's in your heart, and I see it in your eyes Every time I see you Your smile lights the room!. You're the only one, who can light a world of gloom!. You're beautiful, in every way- in every form!. And every thing about you- always seems to shine You, simply are devine!.!.Www@QuestionHome@Com Best Answer - Chosen by Asker: There's a balance here, and your metre and rhyme are consistent!. The only thing you might improve is to cut a few words, and bring up your spelling!. Anywhere and everywhere are both one word!. the "ands" can be dropped, they're unnecessary and redundant!. You'll get more punch without them, Anywhere you go, Everywhere you are There perfection lies I know it in your heart I see it in your eyes Whenever I see you Your smile lights the room You're my only one To light a world of gloom You're beautiful In every way and form Everything about you Always seems to shine You simply are divine!.Www@QuestionHome@Com I really like it! This is a small suggestion but I think it really adds to the feel of the poem: Changing your line breaks!. You might want to only have 3 lines in each stanza but if you're not try this: I know it's in your heart, and I see it in your eyes You're the only one, who can light a world full of gloom!. (I added 'full' to that one) You're beautiful, in every way- in every form!. And every thing about you- always seems to shine You, simply are devine!.!. Www@QuestionHome@Com |