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Question: Plato's cave!. comments or suggestions, please!?
(I had insomnia last night and did not sleep at all!. Consequently, I have some new ones in early draft!. Any suggestions for revision are appreciated!.)
Plato’s Cave
Down in the cave that Plato fashioned, shackled to the wall
with head and eyes immobilized, I watch the shadows flit
and dart across the span of my reality, and fall
so silently away!. I cling to every little bit
of sensory experience: the dampness of the air,
the tickle as a drop or perspiration trails along
my cheek, the wafting odor of the stagnant pools, the rare
and fleeting glimpse of mouse or bat!. I sense the evensong
of waning light and of the fading shadows, as my world
descends into the cycle of impending darkness!. Beams
of dusty light are slanting outward!. Crimson specters hurled
upon my wall excite the terror of forbidden dreams!.
In dreams my weak, atrophied limbs, of their own accord,
transport me to a mystic realm of free and opn space
where shadows take on substance, and my new-found life affords
unfathomed freedom!. But, I know that there is no such place!.
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Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
I am reminded structurally of the fourteeners in Chapman's translation of the "Iliad" though you have not adopted the couplet structure necessitated by the full-blown fourteener!. Rather, you have rhymed alternating lines and done so in a way that informally marks out a quatrain structure, giving your poem a more modern texture that is totally in keeping with your personal interpretation of the allegory of Plato's cave!. All of this lends a sense of modernity to what you say, but at the same time a modernity informed by recognition of aesthetic signposts of earlier poets, who in turn become the shadows on your cave wall!.!.!. As ever, you have offered something lovely and precise in its proportion with a healthy adherence to the highest standards of structured syntax, and yes, you have plumbed the depths of an ancient philosophical debate!. A thoughtful addition to your burgeoning list of achievements!.!.!. you are to be commended!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
The rhythm of this is superb, drawing one along and opening images as one goes with the speaker to his dark dreamworld!.
Fine writing!.Www@QuestionHome@Com