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Question: Written many years!. What do you think!?
I was looking through old floppy disks and found this!. It was my first try at writing unrhymed poetry!. I wrote it after visiting my mother in the old people's home!.
Mother sits unravelling
Like an old grey cardigan!.
Never in the present
Always in the past!.
She stares for hours and hours
At one view outside her room!.
At a leafless, then budding,
Flowering, then berried
Immovable, yet waving
Unidentifiable tree!.
Time is immaterial
There is no-where left to go!.
Her idle hands are fidgety
Distressed in their idleness!.
I haven’t see Dorothy lately!.
She and Elsie, and Cissie, too
Winnie and Mabel used to come
Now don’t call like they used to do!.
Do you think they’ve forgotten me!?
Or do you think I've caused some offense!?
She doesn’t ever remember
There’s no-one left to come!.
The pain in her eyes is tangible
Lonely suffering I cannot stem!.
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Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
I really love this!. I work in a Nursing Home and the residents are always asking me where someone is!. Even my own Mother, who just died in January at 94yrs, would ask me if I had sen HER Mother!. I would say,"Ma You`re in your 90s Grandma passed away 20 yrs ago!."
She would say,"OH, I didn`t know"!. She had Dementia!.
Very nice piece Grannyjill!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
I once had a patient who every day asked me " where is my wife," and every day I had to break the news again, and she had been dead 5 years!.
After two weeks of "reality orientation" I lied!. If you can't remember reality, it becomes irrelevant!. This is one of the most deeply touching poems I've read in a long while!. Thanks, Granny!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
I had just a glimpse of that same tree marking time passing once when confined to a hospital room for 39 very long days after having had a right brain accident,,, it's far too easy to loose touch with reality
very nice bit of verse with the last line being a profound truism most folks do not acknowledgeWww@QuestionHome@Com
This is profoundly moving, a quiet and beautiful tragedy of life and time!. It must have been very difficult for you, though it did inspire you to create this sensitive and poignant work!. I love it, though it left me feeling so sad!. Thank you!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
Your poem is awesome
It talks about your visit
with your mother!.
However the poem didn't come
until after the visit!.
She didn't seem very happy
No where to go, or talk to
It must be sad to be lonely
with no one to talk with!.
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For a beginning effort, this is very good, thank you for sharing!. This one will rip a strip from the heart of a stone hearted person!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
I like it but I would omit the second stanza and in the fourth stanza the fourth line doesn't sound quite right!. Good though!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
It breaks my heart, especially since I see it every week!. We have only the moment; why cannot our species live it in peace and love!?Www@QuestionHome@Com
Very visual!.!.!.!.very solemn!.
Well written in my opinion!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
Elaine makes a point worthy of your ruminations!.!.!.may you choose wisely!. Www@QuestionHome@Com
Oh, congratulations!
You writte very well!
;*Www@QuestionHome@Com
that's really good :)
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Very profound!. Why not send it to a poetry magazine!?Www@QuestionHome@Com