Question Home

Position:Home>Poetry> I just wrote this..Please Help..i need advise on how to fix it!!!?


Question: I just wrote this!.!.Please Help!.!.i need advise on how to fix it!!!!?



its called "turn around"!.!.!.i think its one of the worst things i have ever wrote!.!.so can you please help me figure out how to fix it!?!?

thank you sooo much!




Please just turn around!.!.!.
I dont know what it is to be found!.!.!.
Im lost within myself, trying to discover whats missing!.!.!.
As i sit and wait!.!.!.im still just asking!.!.!.


What is this emptyness i feel!?
Can this pain really be real!?
You see only what i show!.!.!.
How could you ever know!?


As I smile can you tell its a fake!?
Or do you not see the break!?
I was happy at one time in my life!.!.!.
But my smile and joy was taken away and replaced with a knife!.
And once again Im still just asking!.!.!.


What is this emptyness i feel!?
Can this pain really be real!?
You only see what i show!.!.!.
How could you ever know!?Www@QuestionHome@Com


Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
Perhaps:

TURN AROUND

Please, I ask, turn around …
Know that I need to be found !.!.!.
Lost within myself, myself I'm missing !.!.!.
I sit and wait!.!.!.and can't stop asking !.!.!.

What is this emptiness I feel!?
If empty, can this pain be real!?
Letting you see only what I can show !.!.!.
How could you ever know!?

To your face I smile!. Can you tell it's fake!?
Please turn away … before I break!.
I had been happy in my life !.!.!.
Till my smile was ripped by a knife!.
Alone to myself again I am asking !.!.!.

What is this emptiness I feel!?
If empty, can this pain be real!?
Letting you see only what I can show !.!.!.
How could you ever know!?
Www@QuestionHome@Com

its a scramble of clever ideas
take it apart
rebuild from scratchWww@QuestionHome@Com