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Question: Critisism on my poem, please!?
hello theree!. :]
well yeah
i write poetry quite often, and i recently did this onee!.
if you guys wouldn't mind, could you please give me some constructive critisism!?
PS: if you're going to be mean, please don't write at all!. :D

--------------------------------------!.!.!.
open!. gaping!. bloody!.
the hole in your side was horrific!.
i didn't know what had happened,
only that everything was drenched in blood!.
strangely, you weren't fazed!.
you stared at the gash with an expression that mimicked curiosity!.
i ran to your side, begging to know what had happened!.
you said you didn't know!.
taking my hand, you pressed it to your chest,
and i left a bloody handprint over your heart!.
you clasped my hand in yours as blood pooled around you and soaked us both!.
you asked me to kiss you, the trace of a smile dancing on your lips!.
i sank into you!.
i pressed closer until i could feel your heartbeat racing against mine!.
i didn't want it to end like this!.
but i suppose that last moments thrive on intensity!.
i kissed you with a frantic passion,
spurred by the fear that i might lose you!.
i told you that if you left me i would follow,
but you wiped the tears from my eyes and refused!.
--------------------------------------!.!.!.

BTW, i don't have an ending yet!.!.!. i can't decide if i want them both to die or if it to end happily!.Www@QuestionHome@Com


Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
Go ahead and finish it, do some proofing and revising on your own and then ask the question!. You might like the answers better!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

hm it's intrestin and intriguing keep writing!Www@QuestionHome@Com

hmm!.!.idk but i certainly liked it :)Www@QuestionHome@Com

it sounds more like a story to me Www@QuestionHome@Com