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Question: Another Poem, Constructive Criticism, please!?
We go through this life
in search of happiness!.
Is it so hard to find!?
Not if we do what
we know to be right!.
And not waste our life
working just to get by!.
Surround ourselves with
the ones that we love!.
Be kind to each other,
make life better for all!.
Try not to fight with
those that are friends!.
You didn't fight in the
beginning, do you WANT
your friendship to end!?
If you care about someone,
why cause them pain!?
Your goal should be
to take pain away!.
That's it, constructive criticism only please, and if you think its good, tell me :) if you think it is bad, tell me nicely, lol!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
Your last line, "tell me nicely" made me smile!. It also reminded me that on this discussion panel, like on so many others, we need to remind people that being constructively critical can and should be accompanied by polite, respectful answers!.!.!.
As I was reading through your poem the first time, it struck me that I would have like to read some words which rhyme, but then towards the end there were some!. So I would have to start by saying that perhaps it would be good to review the overall flow of your words, by having it read to you by someone, slowly, and you listen with your eyes closed!. If you are sensitive to language patterns, and most poets are, (I hope), so it might give you some ideas!.
I must say that it sounds like a letter you want to write to someone!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
Andrew
Your poem send a message in
different ways!.
It talks about life!.
dealing with right or wrong choices
because life is about making choices
It deals with love and friendship
be around people who will
care and share
along with being nice!.
Another message don't fight
this can cause needless pain
The idea is to get along
treat each person the same way
you want to be treated!.
Www@QuestionHome@Com
Really good!. Ppl of today should read this!. People seem tolost the ability to be happy and make others happy!.
Try out this website!.!.your poems are worth it
www!.deviantart!.comWww@QuestionHome@Com
I love the message behind your poem, nicely done ! Take care xxxWww@QuestionHome@Com