Question Home

Position:Home>Poetry> It's a poem, read it if you want, I'd like some feedback?


Question: It's a poem, read it if you want, I'd like some feedback!?
I swear I am the least suicidal person around It's just these poems seem to come to me easier!.
Anyway I havent written one for a while so maybe some feedback!?

Sitting on the floor
The warm air encircling,
Nothing to do but wait!.

It seems to take a while
Numbing in my toes,
I’m going to leave all this hate!.

There’s a certain buzzing,
It feels comforting!.
Like I’m doing something right!.

My pool gets a little bigger!.
I lay down to ease the pain!.
Someone’s coming, But I’m losing my fight!.

Only blurry shadows,
Drifting in and out of focus!.
I feel a great weight lifted!.

Someone’s carrying me,
I’m put onto a cold bed!.
Damn those doctors, they’re so gifted!.
Www@QuestionHome@Com


Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
It almost makes attempting suicide sound comforting!. The poem definitely is giving me something to ponder about,like what could"a certain buzzing be"&"laying down to ease the pain" does it mean the physical pain from the suicide attempt or the emotional pain of what is causing the attempt!. Very diffrent,and very poetic!.Thanks for sharing it with us!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

i thought it was great!. as far as the darker content, i like it, it's just another range of emotions!. the person who writes it doesn't have to feel that way to be able to write it, just understand how to convey it!.
if you have more please post them, i'm sure others would like to read more too :)Www@QuestionHome@Com

I liked it a lot really easy to visualize and i got the part about the doctors on my first read!.


that nut who yelled at you in all caps needs to chill it's not like you intentionally were trying to attack them geezeWww@QuestionHome@Com

It's okay
some poems come
easier to some people
than others!.
You did a very nice job
writing this poem out
From what I gathered in the last
few paragraphs
she didn't want to be saved!.


Www@QuestionHome@Com

Freaking loved it!.
I'm not suicidal either, but dark emotions and words seem to come to me easier also!.
Really good poemWww@QuestionHome@Com

It's a very dark piece Even though you didn't want to be saved ,,,,You were ,,,,OR was the cold bed in the Morgue!?!?,,,,,,,Gives us something to think about Nice job ,,,,,,,,,Www@QuestionHome@Com

You should read "Lady Lazarus" by Sylvia Plath!. It says what you are saying in a very amazing way!. I think you will love it!. Check out the link!. Www@QuestionHome@Com

Whew! Cold but really nice!. especially the lines

'My pool gets a little bigger!.
I lay down to ease the pain!.'Www@QuestionHome@Com

i thought that was amazing
good jobWww@QuestionHome@Com

its really good but the last part doesnt make senseWww@QuestionHome@Com

WELL,WE CAN ALL THANK THOSE "GIFTED " DOCTORS!.MY DAUGHTER ATTEMPTED SUICIDE AND JUST SURVIVED BY A THREAD!.SEE,SHE TOOK A BOTTLE OF SLEEPING PILLS THAT HAD 3 MISSING,THE DOCTOR SAID THOSE 3 PILLS WOULD HAVE KILLED HER!.SHE HAD ENOUGH POISON IN HER BODY ,HER KIDNEYS WERE SHUTTING DOWN ,SHE WAS SO SWOLLEN ,SHE LOOKED AS IF SHE'D JUST GAVE BIRTH,SHE WAS ONLY 12 YEARS OLD!.SHE'S 35 NOW WITH 3 BEAUTIFUL CHILDREN!.YOUR POEM SOUNDS LIKE YOU HAVE ALOT OF PROBLEMS AND WOULD LIKE TO FEEL THE SERENE BEAUTY OF NOTHINGNESS,BUT YOU DONT WANT TO DIE!.KEEP WRITING,THAT SOMETIMES MAKES YOU FEEL BETTER!. TAKE CARE ,AND REMEMBER,SOMEONE LOVES YOU!.Www@QuestionHome@Com