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Question: Is this poem too long!?
Has anyone got the patience to plough through this long pome!?

First Day
When I agreed to House-sit
in the tranquil Forest of Dean
I really had no understanding
Of what that would really mean!.

We'd only been here an hour or two
When my brother leapt up and said
"I must take you round the route
Where Scruffy walks before bed"

The walk seems to take hours
Under threatening clouds of grey
As we slog through Flanders mud
At the end of an exhausting day!.

"Don't sit down we're not finished yet!.
I must show you around, and then
Walk (and talk you) through the feeding
Of the ducks and geese and hens!.
This is -
Where to scatter their corn and pellets
And check they have some grit
Oh - and make sure to collect any eggs
- I almost forgot that bit!.
This is -
How to clean out chicken-****
Where to switch on/off the electric fence
How to clean and fill their ponds
(not listening!.!.!.makes no sense!)
This is -
When to check the perimeter fence
Like a guard at Pentonville
To ensure it is fox-proof
So Reynard can't make a kill!."

All this to do at the crack of dawn
Then more-or-less the same at four
Then at nine round the buggers up
And put them all indoors!.

(Are your eyes glazing over yet
With the boredom of this tale!?
Imagine how I was feeling
- I wanted to gnash my teeth and wail)

Not sure whether we could deviate
From brother Paul's careful log
We were also committed (thrice daily)
To walking Scruffy, his nondescript dog!.

Next Day -
I rise early to do as he wanted
Picturing sunshine in Torriejo, Spain
(Not that I am jealous, mind
As I tramp out in the rain)

As to what my duties were
Well you already know the drill
Just re-read from 'Don't sit down!.!.!.!.
to end at 'can't make a kill'

I set to work with a gusto, when
Arm-flailing, desperation and thud!
I somersault like a gynmast
And land in shitty mud!.

No content with my performance
(Perhaps expecting some applause!?)
Ten minutes later I do it again
No hope - I'm a long-lost cause!.

Addenda
Paul also showed us with a chopper
How to end a sick chick's peck
But trust me folks (on his return)
He's the one getting it in the neck!




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Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
This was witty, clever, and comical at the same time, I enjoyed the read actually!. I also enjoyed the calm and tranquil mood, and pictured myself on a farm!. There were a few parts that with the elimination of a word, or the addition of one, would have made a smoother read however!. I found myself pausing, or stumbling on a few of the stanzas, but didn't ruin the overall effect of the poem!. I enjoy your writing!. I write a lot of long poems such as this, but I've yet to master, as you have, the diction and almost effortless storytelling without telling too much, as is a requirement in a narrative poem!. Thanks for sharing!. :)Www@QuestionHome@Com

A fun read!. I am glad that it was not my assignment!. I have too many memories of chores on the farm to last the rest of my lifetime!Www@QuestionHome@Com

Laughed aloud at this poetic story!. Sorry, I know I would not be laughing had it happened to me!. You MUST be furious; you got a bit more graphic than usual there!Www@QuestionHome@Com

Fun poem!. Part of the point of this poem is its length!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

Rolling in laughter and sympathy! What say we go fishing in Scotland and leave the chickens to fend for themselves!?
This was wonderful, GJ!Www@QuestionHome@Com

Just as long as it's good!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

You're fortunate you can still get up!. If I had fallen in that mud you would still hear me screaming for help!. That poem was so true to life, which has more than its share of **** for sure!. Thanks for making it smell a little sweeter and for giving this old widow a good laugh on Sunday morn (a welcome relief from the sermon I suffered through earlier)!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

There isn't such a thing as a too long poem; Have you heard of the Odyssey (By Homer)!?

It doesn't care how long the poem is, as long as it doesn't repeat something too many times, and that too is basically just an element of good poetry! The contents are what really matters!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

awesome!.
your brother obviously
knows whos best for
somersaulting and the job!.
:)
guess whos best to write it!?!

this poem isnt too long
i agree 100%with what Ice said!.

id also be interested in a PaulReturns poem!.
regrettfully it'll probably be CHOPPED short!.
hahaha!Www@QuestionHome@Com

Imagine how I was feeling-
I wanted to gnash my teeth and wail!.
This ruins the timing - if you read the stanza aloud, the first two lines scan perfectly, but the beat just gets lost on lines 3 and 4, above!.

Reading your poem aloud will catch such issues!.

Your "pome," huh!? Must've written that just after you made like a gynmast and landed in shitty mud!. lol

First stanza, two reallys is one too many!. I'd cut the first one and use truly in place of the second!. It's your call, but it needs a fix!. (You do not want to distract the reader from the story to the mechanics of the poem!.)

I would omit the last stanza!. Length is fine, but last stanza is a tack-on (after the end of flow)!.

Hilarious!

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