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Question: My first Poem, if it passes as a poem, looking for HONEST opinions and help!!?
Meaning, tell me if its crap, give me ideas on what could be changed, I am not really too happy with the very end!.
Is it wierd to say I love you!?
For I know I surely do, it doesn't have to mean
your the one for me, you may be just a friend
but to me that means alot, and when im not around you
I feel dead, and my soul begins to rot!.
And when I finally see you, a hug you will recieve
just a small token, to show how much you mean to me!.
For I cannot put into words how much I REALLY care!.
but a hug and three little words I know I hope will make it clear!.
I love you!.
Www@QuestionHome@Com
Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
As a first effort this is really good!. Spelling and grammar could use a bit of work!. Weird, you're, receive, a lot!. Cut the words you don't need!.
Is it weird to say, "I love you"!?
I know I surely do!.
It doesn't have to mean
You're the one for me,
Maybe just a friend!.
To me it means a lot!.
When I'm not around you
I feel dead
My soul begins to rot!.
When at last I see you
A hug you'll receive,
A small token to show
How much you mean to me!.
Words fail to show
How much I really care
But a hug and these three words
I hope will make it clear!.
"I love you!."Www@QuestionHome@Com
Andrew
I see this is a poem love
You are experiencing uncertainty
Be kind to yourself in other words
Instead of saying or asking is it weird to say I love you
Say it this way( Is it okay to say I love you!.
Because I know I certainly do, I'm not trying to be mean)
She means so much to you as a friend
You mention your feelings when she is around happy
when she is not feeling dead
And when I finally see you, a hug you will receive
Www@QuestionHome@Com
Its really good!.
I'l edit this :-)
I dunno why!.
Is it weird to love you!?
I surely do!.
for everytime i look at you my heart begins to pound!.
my cheeks begin to reddin!.
And when you walk past me, i try to look away,
but my eyes are drawn to you,
in every single way!.
For these words are just my emotions!.
opening up to you!.
I do love you, it is really true!.
Www@QuestionHome@Com
oh my god!.!.!. That is really good for a guys first poem!. It seems so good to me b/c the boy I love's name is Andrew!.!.!. But you can't be him!. There is no "M" anywhere in his name!. It's wierd, b/c just moved away from my Andy, and he said that he just wanted to be friends!. He never said he didn't love me!.
E-mail me: newcomecm@yahoo!.com
I have some great ideas for poems!. I love a guy that's sensitive enough to write poetry!.!.!.!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
how about something like,
i love you,
do you understand!?
you are all i want,
can you comprehend,
that you are the reason i live,
and everything to me!?
could you be mine!?
or something, i dont know, hope that is helpful, good luck with your poem book or homework or whatever your doin!. Www@QuestionHome@Com
Hey! This is a fantastic poem!. Really powerful!. The one thing I would do is take out the "I know" in the last line so it reads "but a hug and three little words I hope will make it clear!. I love you!."
It makes it flow and ends it with a powerful message!. I think this is excellent!. Nice work!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
the whole "When I'm not around you I feel dead and my soul begins to rot" thing is a bit much!.
Thats just my opinion!.
and I dont know why you dont like the end!. I like it =]
This is very good and overall poetic!. Very nice job =]Www@QuestionHome@Com
I think it's pretty good!. i couldn't really pick up the rthym though!. Maybe you could put some more descriptive language in it like some similes and metaphors!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
would it be strang in your eyes to say I love you
because i know i surely do
it dues not have to mean you love me
you may be just a friend
but to me that means alot because when im without you
i feel so lost and my soul crys out look for you
and when i finally see if you recieve me i shall hold you close
as just a small token show that i love most fover for alwas i whant you to de mine
thare for For I cannot put into words how much I REALLY care!.
but a hug and three little words I know I hope will make it clear!.
as i hold you close i wiper in to your ere I love youWww@QuestionHome@Com